I am a clever thing..apparently..also super shoe girl..and idiot to those who love me....

Hooray I made it into the masters program at uni...i am just clever enough.....also shoe job is great i like it and am hoping to be goof at it...dan says i am super shoe girl.....my feet hurt so must buy comfy shoes...lucky i work in shoe store.....also am an idiot...chris visited tonight and I was unprepaired and oherwise occupied....i did not think he was comming so now i feel like idiot and also am very embarressed.....feel sheepish even.....miss em left lovely comment and also congrats for me on masters and uni stuff we will have ice cream celebrations when next she roams this way...hope it is soon..feel ice cream celebrations vital to life happiness :) am at winnies place as i must work in the morning...she is about to do my hair...*sigh* my friends are sooo good to me :)
Jinx
xxx

Feelings of frustration and down right crankyness

I am graduating soon and noone who I thought would be sharing the occassion with me will be making an appearence...I will have no family there and am surprised by the fact that the people I had thought of as the friends who would take that role will also not be joining me......Win and Dan will accompany me and I am greatful for thier support......I am frustrated and confussed by the people here.....people seem to be avoiding me since the weekend....which i had forgotten about by the afternoon as it is a game A GAME just a frelling GAME.....I apologised to G about how his game went down...not because i feel responsible but because I am genuinely sad that it went bad.......feelings were hurt inadvertantly and that sucks but my feelings were also hurt....pulled out of game and this is prob for best as my new job starts next week and i will be working weekends...perhaps it is time i took a break from a few other things also......prob need to take some time away and clear my head.....feeling stretched and unhappy.........on a brighter side my new job starts monday and even though i am nervous it will be good to not be worrying about money again.....on a darker side am unwell again.....*sigh*.....i hope it passes soon......the doctor says its stress that is causing the pain and tummy dramas....and just to make me feel that little bit more special he wants to do another scrape of my cervix....just my luck :( Still at least that should be worth a lolly pop....maybe two if he decides a biopsy is required......honestly my vagina is really not that interesting i wish they would stop worrying about it.......
My life is confussing and sometimes downright mixed and messed up...but never mind at least it is always interesting....i have been missing my family alot lately and i guess feeling kinda sooky.....been seeing m a bit and trying to help him in anyway i can...but i think he is right...i am too nice to him..and need to learn to say no.....i would but sometimes it feels like he is the only one who gets me...sad huh......Dan finally had a couple of dates with the nice boy Jon.....although she kinda blew me off for him this evening which is uncool...but understandable......Win has been out with some cool people lately and am glad...although missing her a bit.....will be spending plently of time with her soon as her family have said i can stay when i am working and invited me to stay over christmas.....am pleased cause i was feeling down about not going home and spending christmas without my family.........still feel down but this will be an adventure I am sure.....

Bela been bummed out lately so we having a special tom cruise christmas party for him to cheer him up.....we have to dress as a tom cruise character and watch tom cruise movies and we are not allowed to bag tom cruise for the whole night.....should be interesting :)

Gamed today,,,James Game...was much fun....James and Magita and Catarina came round again thius evening and we hung...was glad to see them...Cat always cheers me up....well gues thats it.....Amy will be calling soon to see if i want to go out in about an hour...i think i will....

Jinx
xxxx

Dizzy spells and fainting fits

Was at work today and started to feel very dizzy...then much to the surpirise of myself and those around me I fainted....it was very strange..am tierd and feel kinda weak but am sure it will pass...on a brighter note I got to finish an hour and half early....although I do need the money so not really that much of a bonus.....willl prob have to take day off tomorrow to clear my head from dizzyness....hopefully some exercise will help...am contemplating volleyball this evening.....things have been difficult and confussing and amazing and vexing and all kinds of other words I currently can not think of.....gavin home tomorrow yah!...emma visiting .....christopher and bela and james gaming here saturday with me gavin and emma....have been too busy to read the game stuff gavin got ready for me so he prob be cross...but thats cool i not sure how much of a game person i am going to be on sat......*sigh*....should go now feel yucky and i think a shower will help.............Matt visited me last night..........its better than being hung up on....*sigh*.....the heart is never easy................

Last ever piece of uni assessment finished....well prob last as it was so late i suspect I will not be invited back to do masters next year....good thing too cause I got no clue what to do...........feel strange like I dont fit anymore......its an unpleasent feeling that i hope will pass........chicken hat helps.

cheers
jinx
xxx

Proud owner of a chicken hat...and another job offer

Well this is slightly late but have been working hard this week and thus too tierd to blog.....on sunday I went to the markets to purchase two chicken hats....in case you have never encountered a chicken hat before above is a picture to demonstrate why it is that when i first saw them both danica and myself exclaimed "my life will never be complete until i own a chicken hat"
Any way I bought the one above modeled so elegantly by me and another one exactly the same but with a green chook atop it instead of red/pink.....danica and i will wear them to the madhatters ball on saturday evening.....i feel they are appropriate for any ocassion but realise i may be alone in this belief........when i went to get them they were dearer than i remembered them being...i said to the lady oh I thought they were less" she said no they were always this price and that she barely made a profit from them and that it was a bargain price for a chicken hat........i kid you not........then when i saw the style of the ones i bought (new style same concept) i said "oh these are great..i like them better than the straw ones"....she replied "yes they are elegant...the colours are sutle"......I ofcourse thought she was joking and replied "yeah" *laughing* "as sutle as you can be with a chicken on your head"
She glared at me and said "what?" I replied "nevermind"...the conversation gets better....she asked what i wanted them for...i sadi to go to a ball....she thought i meant an actual ball and asked about our gowns and suggested that these were a much finer compliment to them than the straw ones and that we would look lovely........It was scary how much this women likes chicken and feels it to be an elegant statement to wear one on your head!

So thats the chicken story...crazy stuff....Dan says it all reminds her of Duckman and I totally agree :) "what duck?"

Now to the new job offer...whilst awaiting the chook ladies final ouches on our masterwork hats i wandered around the markets...and ofcourse ended up at the stall entitled "all things chocolate" where i met a wonderful woman who makes her own delicious chocolate goodies from scratch...she is planning to open her a chocolate/coffee/food store just after christmas and has invited me to work for her perminent part time...as a bonus she will teach me the wonders of creating chocolate goodness....*my ass is screaming mercy and please no*........she assures me that learning to make it is the best diet you can go on cause you get sick of it......i feel this is a challenge that must be responded to :) so anyway she will call me over the next couple of weeks and we will talk about what i/she wants from the situation...she is lovely lady even if i dont work for her will definetly hang around her store alot.........

Well bed for me cause must work again tomorrow and i am tierd stiff from todays crap shift...with mean yuppie who tried to get me sacked ...will save that story for another day...if i remember..

cheers
Jinx
xxx

You win some, you loose some, and sometimes you kick a ball into someones face......

Had to blog again about last nights sporting drama....played soccer and was playing hard...running and trying....thought i was doing better than ususal too then in the last quater i kicked for the goal from like half field...so it was a hard kick...and it went straight into a girls face....it was bad and i felt awful....she was ok but will prob have a black eye.......It was an accident but all these people were glaring at me and i felt like they all thought i was playing rough and that it was my fault.......i get sad cause people think i play roungh but its not roughness its just sheer lack of skill and ability....i suck at sport and thus play crapily....i sorry that someone was hurt...especially this girl she was nice and unfortunetly she was petite so prob hurt her more than it might have hurt a larger better padded person such as myself.........glad she ok and in future...if i return without being strung up by mob rule....i will try to kick less hard and maybe even learn to stop running once i have started.....although the later will be difficult.......after it happened i learned she was a friend of most of the people there...and of the staff.....ooops of all the people to kick in face with ball....typical of my luck.....i actually was concerned i might get jumped in carpark and burnt at stake...was ready to run when danica came to get me.......i will try to remember to be a bit softer during play...am just very glad she alright and that it did not hit her nose....if it had i think it would have broken it........

I am a danger to others...perhaps full body armour should be issued to all players.......hmmm
anyway thus ends my weekly sporting adventures...
cheers
jinx
xxx

For love of shoes and coffee....

Well last week has been really stressfull...thank the gods for danica...she made it less hell...also for my other friends who drop everything to support and care...they rock....yes thats you ...you know who you are.......last week my boss decided to give me no hours at all for the first time since he employed me.....it was even after I had told him that without hours I could not pay my rent......so decided i had to get another job...spent week looking and got several promising interviews...told my boss whe I went to see him today and he says oh well i gave you no shifts cause i was pissed at you for not being able to work the week before (my uni assessment week!!!) but he needs me to work every single day next week.......so he gives me 34 hours....now what do i tell the people offering me a job......was concerned for a while then got a call from the shoe store i applied at and was offered a job with them...they say i can still do the week for my current workplace and that they will work around it over the next few weeks so i dont leave my current boss short staffed...hooray for the shoe lady...i really like her....i am so excited it is a huge company that owns all kinds of stores that sell great stuff that i love and now they will pay me to get a discount in said stores!!!! YIPEEEE

Am very very excited..plus with 34 hours next week i will be able to get a decent wardrobe sorted for new job, replace torn and old wardrobe for current job, and buy a new bra (thank the lords).....also am excited cause job starts as casual but if i do well enough and they like me it will be full time management oppurtunity in the new year........*sigh*....today is good........

Fun times in amidst chaos...

*sigh* yesturday was a great day...danica, me, amy, and gen had a girly day of markets and watching boys play cricket and generally hangin out...it was great...today danica me and win went job hunting in belco and danica straightened my hair again....i love it when she does that...am watching farscape under our new lights that are working and avoiding my essay..hee hee...busy day tomorrow.....feeling good even though things are kinda crazy right now....
cheers
Jinx
xxx

Dangerous Wayfarers and Dodgy Light Fuses

Was awake till about 4am cause I could not sleep..then got woken up at 9.30ish to play Dangerous Wayfarers game which was awsome as usual....then later in the afternoon after game when we were ready to wrap it up we discovered that all the fuses for the lights in our house have gone...we had a grand total of one lamp till we traveled to james house to pinch one of his...now we have two...and a tele....James and Katarina came here and we ate bad chicken and chips dinner whislt watching the final disc in series 7 of Buffy...up to the last episode now and Kat is sleeping on the coach, Gavin on the other and James on a big cushion.....

Feeling really sooky today....was very wishing for cuddles from someone and sooky snuggling....*sigh*....sometimes I hate the complications of the heart.....wish sometimes that it could be easy and that snuggling was always available on demand.........*sigh*.........thats what was always good about Jay....cuddles and stuff were always ok despite anything that was going on we managed to keep our friendship and the physical comfort seperate and on a different level to anything else.......I miss him and the friendship we shared......I am so sad about the loss of my friendship with Matt........despite everything we have alwasy managed oer the last 9 months to keep our friendship straight....we somehow managed to stay connected on that level even when things were crap in every other way.........Now he is walking away from that without seeming to care about the loss.....I feel hurt that all the other stuff was enough to make the friendship less important....*sigh*...anyway thats enough of feeling like crap......He seems to want me to forget him...maybe thats best for everyone....if I was not in it his life would be smoother.....(see we can both play the matyre card "better off not knowing me") But joke as I do...I joke cause it hurts...cause maybe he is right...cause maybe I would be better off....I am sure he will be better off without the complications of me in his life and the needy sooking that comes with me.....I am sadened by this as I would have liked to have known he was on my side during my life and the problems I am dealing with.....

No more talk about that *rubs hands*

Job application for Qld Museum position going well....hope to finish it this weekend...then must do essay as it is way past due........hmmmm should do that now......As james notes I have two blogs this and another usually I just type shortened version ofthoughts into my LJ and longer into Blog tonight however to save time I will copy and paste the fun words of my thoughts into both....ha ha...I am brillent....I have two cause some people read one and others read the LJ....LJ not open to all so occassionally has more private thoughts...and no I dont necessarily mean bitchy thoughts in it.....
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Retail therapy, Jobs in Qld, and a Single Stripe....

Today was a bit of a strange day...phoned Matt at work cause he was still ignoring my calls on his mobile....he hung up on me...I now officially feel like shit......messaged him with a threat that if he failed to deal with this like an adult I would childishly come to his workplace and create a scene....he replied to my message reassuring me that I would get my dvds back...he seems to think thats what I care about....and that seeing him would not help me unless I wanted to yell and he did not want to be yelled at.....I replied saying I could care less about my stupid dvds, had not wanted to yell at him till he hung up on me, and that he was being a coward and cut the crap out and talk to me....nothing......I feel like such a fucking idiot......went shopping with winne to feel better......bought more stuff I dont need but at least it is shiny.....seem to be going under the idea that after this week I will have no more money so I should enjoy having it now......kept enough for rent and bills so at least I not totally daft...with money anyway.....

Found a job I really want and surprisingly enough have exactly the right degree for and guess what its at home....in townsville...can you believe it...I will do my application this week...I will call them and beg for the job as I have never wanted o go home so much in my life.....screw this damn town and the bastards in it....well ok not everyone is eveil but I just miss my family and this is a good job...one I want...would enjoy and am qualified for.....its a sign.......

Finally got the courage to take another test and determine what was going on with my body....test came back negative....single stripe thankfully...I remain not pregnant...Hooray...although this does mean I am fat for no other reason than I am too lazy and eat way too much crap :(...hmmm Oh well.......at least when I fall down my ass prevents me from breaking any bones :)

Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Today...Bones....and New Socks

Today was better I did no uni work but got all the errands I was supossed to do done...snaps for me I feel ;) Hung with B in the city whilst doing errands....fun was had....saw my boss...less fun but am hopeful things will improove on that front one day soon...either with me getting a different job or just maybe a new personality...either will do....did my banking, bought some stuff I probably should not have but what they.....bought Hex good show.....bought new bra which Bela was very upset I would not try on for him.....bought new socks x3 pairs.......umm of yeah and a pretty summer skirt...for this muggy weather.....wanted to buy second comming on dvd but nowhere was playing.....evil places new I should have bought it ages ago when I last saw it in stock....prob wont get it now till next year...Grrrr....thats such an awsome show.....not much else....Oh wait yeah went to uni printed report and handed it in, picked up my last piece of assessment and I got a D...(for those unsure thats very good)...hooray for me....also my master (assuming I get in) supervisor emailed me to tell me there is some stuff I might want to do in New Zealand next year and I should email the chicky at the uni there...so I did...now await response and further details......played sport tonght...netball...other team forfeited and thus we continue our unbeaten streak...7 weeks or something now....wow.....we played anyway against a mix and adhoc team...they beat us by three points but had fun anyway..was shooting really bad in this game....usually I not too bad...not great but dont usually suck soo much....played centre for a quater and that was fun...if my team were less competitive I be a bit more likely to play different areas and expand...but I feel bad when I feel like they loose cause of me.....nevermind...nextweek different game!

Watched Bones tonight...well the first two episodes..Simon gave them to me....WOW they really messed Tempe up....the only thing this chick has in common with the books character is her name....they turned her into a young kennedy want a be with red hair and a truely lame ex husband...oh yeah took about oooh 15years of her age, changed her background and life story, made her drink when she is supossed to have been an ex alcholic.....oh yeah and took her daughter away cause really this chick prob not old enough for a 18-20 year old daughter.......I was very surprised that kathy reich signed off on it....still it has david boreanaz in it *sigh* at least even if he cant act he is cute to look at.....have asked jimmy to keep getting the show for me cause despite all the crap...and there is alot it is not often that tele hs a show about an anthropologist...lets face it we dont get much limelight...maybe this will help....i suspect not...her character has gone from a well rounded easy to like brillent woman to a highly unlikeable and uninteresting girl........
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Pretty lights and flashing images...

Started working on my forensci report at 6.30 this morning...finished it by 5.30pm I am feeling ill and sleepy and my brain working too hard all day to sleep now...strange feelings and crazy inability to comprehend making me an intersting hostess for tonights weekly telethon with mr Chris.....Oh well perhaps if a rest well tonight the fairy lights will cease thier obnoxious dancing and those damn flying keyboards will leave me alone...also being able to get I dream of jeanie out of my head would aid in return to normality...
cheers
Jinx

Nah na Nha nah Nah nah.....

The sandmen of centrelink...

Recieved a letter late last week from centrelink requesting my details for study next year...called them today to discuss with them my future plans.....my future plans now involve having no money....centrelink will cut me off on friday this week as this is the last due date for my assessment...also no money for study next year as centrelink does not recognise masters as a legimate study option...no money for postgrad students...I was a little shocked by this sudden turn of events....even if I qualify for new start allowence I have to go through the application process which surprisingly could not get an appointment for till next week after they take my money away....even if i qualify they will penalise me for working casual at cafe which will mean I will earn less money than if I did not work!!!!! Plus will have to apply for 14 jobs per fortnight (does this seem some what excessive to you?) I feel slightly dazed and confused by this sudden change in my circumstances......also the man was on phone to was mean and cranky....not my fault he chose to work in this field.....conversation went something like this:

ME: Will being on new start as a jobseeker affect my ability to travel home to queensland for the holidays? Does this mean I can not go without risking being penalised for not jobseeking?
Centrelink Man: Dont try your emotional games with me missy......you cant blackmail me into paying you
ME: what? I want to know if I can still travel withou being cut off?
Centrelink Man: How do expect people to answer that question, really its no good trying your tears on me
ME: Is there someone else I can talk to?

After a long conversation with the strange man it was determined that I prob cant go home without penalisation or at least risking being penalised...and that after friday if I dont get a full time job I am screwed cause they will not leave me in peace withou searching for 14 jobs a fortnight....I said I did not want to look for work that I could have gotten without uni qualifications cause I did not just spent 4 years of my life and am in debt tens of thousands of dollars to get a job I could have got without it.......apparently they could care less how I feel on the situation......rang my mum and we decided I should get a full time job...doing anything to get away from stupid centrelink and just do that till something I want to do comes up in my field and also can continue masters part time to improove chances of work in my field......sound plan to me although sadness at not eing able to go home for holidays....much sadness...

So on that note I got dressed and took my butt into the city to put my resume into my favorite shoe store.....and hooray had an interview earlier this afternoon...willl find out tomorrow...hopefull it went well although I was a little unprepared since I only just decided I wanted a full time job this morning.....but heres hoping...plus working for them I get discount on shoes......HOORAY...would almost work there purely for that reason....

Am sitting at home watching rove with Gavin and Danica...Danica and me jsut got back from dinner with my friend Adrian (thanks for taking me to interview and buying me dinner Adrian YOU ROCK) at Zeferellies??? *laughs at spelling attempt* it was ok...got a doggy bag and now have lots of food in fridge for later.....still no word from M...guess he decided to ignore me forever...he sent me a message saying I was better off not knowing him and now I guess he trying to proove that.....feeling sad and angry...mostly sad.....trying to convince Danica to move with me instead of all those other people she suppossed to be moving with....not sure if I am winning...desperate methods may be required......Danica is great she said if i get this job we can work out some time share thingy with her car so I can actually get there....she is awsome...

Sometimes when I think about the people I met here I feel better cause I really am lucky, Winnie, Danica, Adrian, Bela, Gavin, James...all these people have been truely amazing to me since I got here and I hope one day I can be as goo a friend to them as they are to me....sometimes I wonder what it is they see in me that makes them all like me so much....prob best not to question it out loud inc ase they start to wonder too :)

Cheers
Jinx

"Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?"