Job stinks, really busy, am planning on getting new job soonish, cold is bad, queensland is nice and sunny and why oh why did i come to this wasteland you people pretned is a real state....house is good, car just had a check up and car doctor says after big but not crazy big reasonable bill that car is fine and dandy....seeing my doctor on sat and hoping for similiar result with less $$ involved, Matt still in queensland its been 11 weeks now...I miss him....he is not well...I am scared...*sigh*.....Am having a whole weekend off this week am very excited and even thought i will prob end up doing nothing but sleep and play wow i am still looking forward to it alot.....wow is up and running on my housemate marks comp as my comp like so many of the pieces of technology in my life is doing the machine equivalent of hidding undere the bed and refusing to come out :) its my anti-techno voodo at work:)

Dreams have been crazy lately...scary , funny, sexy, odd and those that just make no sense what so ever......am hoping a trip to doctor on sat will resolve my bizaare behaviour both while sleeping and awake....my housemates are being very understanding....still at least it is entertaining for them.

Well I am too bed now...sleepy and needing to rest.
night
jinx

There is always time for a local :)

Busy Busy Busy...store audit this week ARGHHHHH lots and lots of stuff to do..tedious mind numbingly dull things......also major sale begining same day as audit and my regional thinks that i should be able to do an audit and set up for a sale all on my own and at the same time...I tell you I am super girl ;)

Matt called...Hooray....just to touch base....I still worried and sad but feel a bit better again after talking to him and hearing his voice....

Despite being crazy busy this week the uber housemates -except miss D due to her even busier schedule- still managed to find the time to check out the local pub....great success...it is fantastic...we have decided we will be going there regularly at least once or twice a week...great food, pool tables, awesome atmosphere, fire place, good prices....its too good to be true....introduced myself to the owner...Ryan...great guy pub will be there for at least another two years so I need not worry about great thing ending too soon :) :) :) As you may have guessed I am greatly pleased by the discovery of this magnificent local pub!!

No I wont tell you where it is cause if too many people go it will be less great:P

Lately I have been in regular contact with people in my life both here and back home in queensland who make me feel like i should be apologizing for something...
people with whom every day feels like some sort of sordid competition, people that are friends of mine, mutual acquantences of friends, and of course the new partners of former lovers of mine....
some of my friends comented on this and said i should feel flattered that these people were so impressed by me that they felt the need to compete ...perhaps thats true and i should feel good...
but what is so frustrating is that i have found myself responding to this....feeling like i am failing to measure up in some way....competeing with people for no reason.......
well sod that.....I am better than that....at least i should be.....I have finished with it....

Attention all competetors in the be better than me comp....
YOU WIN...I quit....
you are better, nicer, prettier, people like you more, your ass is smaller, your boobs bigger and he likes you in bed/social settings better.....
whatever it was you felt you had to compete with me for you win....

I have more importent things to do than play childish games with people...... :) I feel better.

Things in my life are complicated.....I love my boyfriend and in his own strange way he loves me....
I love my new house and my new housemates...even when there is no hot water :)
I hate my job but plan to get a new one, I miss my family but plan to see them soon,

I am scared and sick with grief and worry about Matt and what he is facing now, and about Daniel and James and how they will cope with the loss of thier father, and about Michael whose latest round of malaria seems to have triggered diabeties, and about all the hurt in the lives of the people i care so much about that i cant fix or even ease....

These are the things that should matter not petty differences based on nothing more than insecurities both mine and thiers....I took a stand with one person recently....I ceased apologizing for being her boyfriends ex and his closest friend....I simply stopped caring what she thought or allowing her insecurities about her position in the world to drag me into a stupid little cat fight over his affections......especially since I honestly think his affection should be firmly with her...she is his girlfriend and the mother of his child......the constant attacks drew me in and raised my defences and a peevishly entered into this silly little game.....I have allowed this t happen with more than one person...enough....I am being silly and shall not do this anymore....

On a lighter note....birthday been and gone....other various celebrations been and gone....another round of the flu been and hopefully gone soon....life continues......good to see people at movies last night...it has been a while...coffee was also nice despite cold chilly air :)