Update

Okay so its prob time I did a real update for those of you not currently hanging with me much.
A few weeks ago Matt decided we should forget about our relationship because I had phoned his parents to leave a message for me...He got very angry and his parents had no clue who I was, it beacme fairly obvious that there is alot about Matt that he has not felt able to share with me...my mum thinks he is prob married...I doubt it cause he was with me for a while and that is one big lie..but whatever it is there is something in his life that means I just cant be a part of it...I was angry and hurt at first and then I decided I was hanging on to something that was never really there in the first place...I replied to his suggestion of forgetting the whole thing with an email saying I agreed with him, loved him and wished him the best.

I love him that has not changed and I hope that he is at least happy where ever he is, or if not happy then trying to be because he is a beautiful man that I loved greatly but sadly it just was not there, I think or at least I like to think he loved me in his own way anyway whatever and where ever his life takes him I wish him well.

A short while after the initial email from him I also lost my job and having never been fired before got greatly distressed about it not to mention the financial dramas this created. I was fired for breeching company policy, its was policy that I not buy shoes from mysels..I did so I was fired...three days after a new promotion and salary increase by 5000 dollars..hmmm...I think there are some communication issues within the company...But in the end I did the wrong thing and broke the policy so fair enough...It turned out to be the greates blessing in disguise...after the first few days unemployed I emailed Matt and ended it for me so it was a low time and for a while it was touch and go as to whether I would make it through intack..I did...I have become a better person though this as had this happened a year or so ago I would have run..just packed and left not to return as I have done so many times in the past...this time I did not...despite the depression and yuckiness that comes with it I stayed and I am proud of that.

I could not have managed without my housemates and friends, Mark, Danica, and Alex have been nothing but supportive and loving to me in this time taking care of me physically, emotionally and financially I am deeply in thier debt and somehow thank you just does not seem sufficient. My friends and the group I play sport with and hang with have been amazing in turning this situation around for me....I am happy and can not really remember a time in the last 6 years or so when I was this happy.
I am a very lucky person to have this support in my life.
My parents and family have been a rock for my life always and were no different this time..thier support for my decisions allows me to cope when things are bad.....
Anyway thats about it....I am here and I am happy...I am also working again at a job I really love and have returned to the social work/community development area, its only temp at the momment admin support but it is great the people are fantastic and work is rewarding emotionally and financially...Hooray...
Thanks to the readers
Jinx

Intresting times

I am happy. Its odd as over the last few weeks things have been kind of crazy I lost my boyfriend and then my job in the space of 2 weeks...and yet for the first time in almost too long to recall I am happy.
Things with Matt are finally over...it was a long toxic relationship with a long drawn out and messy end but it is over...I feel like all the poison is just being sapped from me and I can begin to heal. I love him still and wish him the best in all his life but there was just too much bitterness for the relationship to ever mend and for me to heal the hurt but now I feel like I can.
My job was making me unhappy and even though it sucked to loose it and I was stunned having never been fired before I am better, I am happy...broke beyond all imagining :) but happy.
I am begining to focus back on my masters thesis prep, reading and getting my idead organized ready for mext year when I intend to complete it. Looking for work but being very selective about the kind of positions I apply for...its been a week and I guess the idea of being able to direct my life in the direction I want to go is still pretty appealing...I have to say that I would prob be miserable and in much worse situation if not for my housemates...they are amazing and if I could affors some kind of grand gesture Id show them as it is thankyous just dont seem to be enough to explain how I value thier support and friendship during the last few months.
I will keep you all posted but for now I am happy and excited about the new oppurtunities this seeming disaster will open up for me.
cheers
jinx