What have I done?????

I cant believe myself sometimes...what the hell have I done..I have detroyed my chance with someone who really cares for me and who I really care for....I have risked ruining a friendship and caused intense hurt to myself and to B for what???? Because I am an idiot who thinks that Im not worthy of good things........I dont know if I can ever forgive myself...B is definetly better off without me...and M, well he will be fine without me...always is....I think his feelings are less on the love as he would have me believe and more about retaining a convienent body, I wonder sometimes how it is some people can learn to lie so well......I wish that this week had never happened.