.....*sigh*.......
This has been a difficult week, I have caused much pain to someone very dear to me and causing that pain has in turn hurt me a great deal...everyone has an opinion on it and no problem telling me it, they think they have some clue as to how my head and heart and body are feeling but really they just have thier own preconcieved ideas devloped through thier own life experiences and past pains....but its ok I expect people to be harsh about it...I am...all of the critisims are well deserved...I messed up, I made a mistake by not listening to my instincts...I should never have allowed my feelings to cloud my judgement and because I did my friend and someone I care for deeply is in pain and I feel even worse than I did before.
Winnie has been great she has been here at my house hidding with me for the, I have barely left the house...christ I have barely gotten out of my pjs this week...plus its not been very condusive to my studies...have so much work to do and too sad to do any.....just want to go hide for the next couple of months....oh and my holiday..the one and only thing keeping me sane for the last few weeks...prob have to be delayed or cancelled due to the fact that its just too damn expensive....*sigh*.....I wish I had some kind of magic wand that could make things better....wish I could just forget the issues that have led me here and try to be happy..but part of the problem is that if I did that I would be be lying to myself as well as others and I cant do that..not even to spare myself some difficult times and painful choices.....
Not sure whats wrong with the people around me.....think they may have issues with reality...I am not that great...really...read my blog you soon realize how messed I am...plus cant spell to save myself....I am a frumpy, cranky, overweight ex army, fulltime student with severe emotional problems and regular bouts of depression, paranoia, and anxiety complexes.....what is the appeal in that...you would think my problem would be finding someone who cared and wanted to share their life with me..not the other way around where there are too many people wanting that......am very confussed and sad and feel bad about the world...crying alot lately and just feeling pretty shit....sorry for the boring blog but hey deal with it.....also people think that recently discovering that my ex lover does give a shit has been what brought this trouble on...but thats not it...it was just the catalyst that forced me to act upon fears and doubts I had been dealing with for a while....anyway going to go back to infomercials..they are my friend...and much happiness would be had if I only had a large credit card free of debt!
jinx
: in name and nature.
Winnie has been great she has been here at my house hidding with me for the, I have barely left the house...christ I have barely gotten out of my pjs this week...plus its not been very condusive to my studies...have so much work to do and too sad to do any.....just want to go hide for the next couple of months....oh and my holiday..the one and only thing keeping me sane for the last few weeks...prob have to be delayed or cancelled due to the fact that its just too damn expensive....*sigh*.....I wish I had some kind of magic wand that could make things better....wish I could just forget the issues that have led me here and try to be happy..but part of the problem is that if I did that I would be be lying to myself as well as others and I cant do that..not even to spare myself some difficult times and painful choices.....
Not sure whats wrong with the people around me.....think they may have issues with reality...I am not that great...really...read my blog you soon realize how messed I am...plus cant spell to save myself....I am a frumpy, cranky, overweight ex army, fulltime student with severe emotional problems and regular bouts of depression, paranoia, and anxiety complexes.....what is the appeal in that...you would think my problem would be finding someone who cared and wanted to share their life with me..not the other way around where there are too many people wanting that......am very confussed and sad and feel bad about the world...crying alot lately and just feeling pretty shit....sorry for the boring blog but hey deal with it.....also people think that recently discovering that my ex lover does give a shit has been what brought this trouble on...but thats not it...it was just the catalyst that forced me to act upon fears and doubts I had been dealing with for a while....anyway going to go back to infomercials..they are my friend...and much happiness would be had if I only had a large credit card free of debt!
jinx
: in name and nature.
posted by jinx at 11:39 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home