A new hair do and life continues......

Today I went to the hair dressers, this is such a rare event I figure it warrents blogging over...hair looks all shiny and new...shame it will not last...even decided to try making an effort with it from now on and bought some sort of strange appliance/magic wand thingy that I am supposed to use...wonder how long it will take for this one to be shoved in the bottom of a draw for the rest of eternity.....I guess a week....but feel perhaps am being optimistic about my ability with hair......had coffee this afternoon with bela and a good chat last night on the phone after a slightly akward evening...things on this front still sadly all f****d up (sorry bout the language)..he is in deep with me and i feel like crap cause i hurt him all the time....he suggested some space for a while to chill things and aid in adjustment to new status of just friends...i think this a fine plan and hope it works well...but am sad cause i miss his company alot...i used to always ring him late and we would chat about crap till the early hours of the morning, really miss hanging with him....*sigh*...the heart is never easy or fair......things with matt wierd and just as crappy....he bailed on seeing me the other night to talk cause he had stuff..fair enough but not really surprising....called me today just to say hi and see how i doing...think he is pushing for brownie points with phone calls.....also feeling kinda uneasy about whole thing with him cause he turns up tells me he loves me...messing with my head...ok well and good but his past actions just dont mesh with his words......confussed and hurt but feeling like life will continue...

Hoping bela and me can be at the very very least remain great friends for a long time..he is very special....hoping matt and me can remain friends but feeling sad about the up down crap with that.....have decided to put in for a placement in a third world country next year..maybe cambodia or somewhere in south east asia...the young australian ambassador thingy.....closes in march next year and i intend to apply....some time away doing the work i love and helping people who really need it will give me some much needed perspective on the world and my place in it...plus a break from relationships may ease my continuous heartbreak..although leaving the people here especially winnie and bela will be hard...hmmm all things are hard as this year has come to demonstrate....

Was supposed to game tonight in my regular friday game with winnie, james, danica, mark, and ofcourse mr B....was really looking forward to it and had to spend considerable time bullying bela into having it this week due to our stuff...finnally he agrees and dont you know it i cant bloody go..should be doing assignment stuff now..wanting to go and game instead but then again i guess the space thing should start sooner rather than later..but wishing i was there anyway.....still uni work has proven over the last few weeks that it just will not do itself..bastard thing........anyways thats my blog for today..

"In Name and Nature Always"
Jinx
xxx