Modern medicine...Hooray

Have made the decision to go back onto medication.....will try to wait till I get to queensland and can see my original doctor but think it is the best option for me at this point...am tierd of feeling sad and paranoid....fear does not get easier as time goes by.....anyway I hope it will allow me some semblence of normal life without the constant state of controlled terror I live in...people are always saying to see a counsellor but seriously it does not help...counsellors always assume there is some sub conscious reason behind your issues...even if its the case its not the obvious ones cause i had counselling for them already...think my prob with cousellors is I have to many shit things in my past that would cause most people issues ;) So no more head doctors telling me crap I already know and never listening to me..back to the wonders of modern chemicals for relief! Hooray maybe will feel better soonish :)
Last week of uni then all done for the year...hooray...looking forward to earning money but more importently looking forward to spending said monies:)
Things in life still shit but am learning to cry quietly which I feel is good for me.....tears seem to make it a bit better...not sure why...but if it helps I am ok with it......sorry posts have been kinda sad lately but hopefully they be better soon as surely there is nothing else left to cause drama in my life *knock on wood* One thing I have learned over and over again is that it all passes, the hurt, the anger and even some of the fear (not all) it passes and feades into memory...becomes just another chapter in my story...which I will write one day..plan to start during holidays!
Still got pains in stomache and the wierd fever thingy happening but will make an appoint to see doctor on thursday when I get paid...have to wait till then cause he often expects payment for treatment which frankly I find odd......On a bright note failed completely today to get fired from my job..which is a good thing cause even if I dont like it there is the money thing (see above comments on money) Took the week off work to study so should prob get onto that...note the dillegence ;)
Cheers
Jinx
xxx