What the????????

Where to start.....hmmm ok firstly update on previous blog.....turns out I am not dating the most unreliable man in this city...but I am dating the most forgiving!!!! Ooops just does not sum it up folks......I recently discovered that during my crazy binge drinking night I got hold of a phone and decided in my state of rational thought that ringing him at 1 o'clock in the morning and yelling at him all those things I have been brooding over for the last few months...most of which have nothing really to do with him....to make it worse at the time I phoned he was nursing his very sick horse at the stable, having problems with his work....serious problems, and suffering a stomache ulcer......oh yes I made his life oh so much easier!!!!! I am a complete idiot...all I want to do is be a supportive friend for this guy cause I happen to think he is a good person and instead I get so self centered that I end up making his life harder because his world does not revolve around me.......Yes I know...no ones world revolves around me and there are other people in the universe etc etc but sometimes I get so caught up in my own head that I forget that and end up being a bitch to the people in my life who really dont deserve it....so depsite having lunch with him the other day and having many jokes about it.....I still think he is mad at me..with all good reasons too.....I think the best thing I can do for him now is just bugger off and give him some space......hard to do when I've left things at such a yucky place....hmmm dont know what to do..never really been good at this crap.....he's my friend and I think I blew it.

Second lot of fun for the week:
My trip home cancelled and feeling especially upset about that......no field work, no friends, no family time, and I wont get to see J before he moves or for his birthday. (speaking birthdays big happy one for my sis this week!!!) Then just when I was starting to feel a bit better about not going home.....I got my uni results back for the semester....bad.....very bad.....not sure if I can recover this.....I failed one of my importent 6 unit subjects.....will have to see the course conveynor today and try to beg for a chance to make the unitts up over the next semster or else I will definetly be bumped of the masters program list......If i do get the chance to make it up then next semester I'll be taking an overload of subjects so will need to work very very hard just to maintain a relatively good average....imagin how hard it will be to maintain the high average required for my program.....hmmmm is not going to be fun....but that is the price when you screw things up.

Gotta go have to make calls and try to clear my head with a run.......honestly though I am a complete sodding tool sometimes.......maybe when I start being heavily medicated again things will improove!!!...hmmm maybe.
xxx
Jinx