Something, nothing, whatever....

Hee hee

2007-07-30T23:06:00.000+10:00

I found this photo on my pc from Jens b'day last year, i thought it demonstrated my affinity with shiny particularly well :)

Back to work today and it was good, i am not sure if i really like the idea of working for the next 40 years but at least i am back at work for now :) I am trying to convince Mark that we should buy a shop and i will manage it, whilst playing computer games and reading - oh yeah and occassionally selling something to someone :)

I leveled one of my toons to 17 this evening and we played so late that by the time we logged to go cook dinner it was 10pm - so we made smoothy and i ate the blueberries to the sounds of Alex and Mark mocking my affection for the small blue fruit. I should probably eat more than that but i figure its almost sleep time so not long till breakfast :)

its been a week without meds - am wondering if i can go for a while without them - dont worry guys and girls will be seeing my doc to discuss before making any rac decsions - I will fill the script tomorrow and book in with himnext week - i cant stop them but maybe my dose ca go down :)

Andrew is feeling a bit better lately and we are busy working on computer schemes to get city set up at his house so he can join the teams when we play, we got an account for him and now just need to trade graphics cards from my old pc to run the game :) Alex has offerred to assist in that endevour :) Alex and i (by that i mean i watched alex) worked on my new PC today - Hooray - it has no software except XP yet but thats cool we will fix that soon, we transfered all my stuff from the old hardrive over and put a dvd drive in it and i finally packed the old one away ready for a weekend when i am feeling down and then i will take it out and kick it round the yard till i feel better :)

Well thats all for now i should sleep - although i have not been sleeping well lately - mind to active - i suspect its the lack of meds so i will remedy that tomorrow :)

Night Kids

xxxx

Jinx

Blog Blog Blog Blog Blog

2007-07-28T00:23:00.000+10:00

Blog blog blog blog Blog blog blog blog Bloooog blog blog blog blog blog blog blog :)

Hmmm testing the upload of pics to my blog this opens a world of oppurtunities - damn now i will need to find my camera cable :)

Things are ok - i have been sick but am getting better, hopefully back at work next week :)

Win is home hooray hooray I am very happy :)

its the weekend which is also fantastic and have a couple of parties to attend which is always fun

spent most of the week with my boyfriend and that was great, things there are really good i am very happy :)

Saw the spider-pig movie today and decided simpsons are only for me when i am at home and comfy and can wander in and out - it would have been a great episode but as a movie it could not hold my attention - but everyone else loved it so you should go see it anyway

Got my car serviced today and thankfully no problems were discovered :)

Am in bed having trouble sleeping (again) but hopefully i will get to the chemist tomorrow and pick up my meds (i ran out several days ago and have not got them yet - without them its difficult to focus enough to collect them *laugh* conunderum huh?)

Well time to attempt to sleep again will try remember to blog again soon

xxx

Jinx

New laptop

2007-06-26T22:27:00.000+10:00

I have a new laptop :) it is bloody huge - 17' screen :) good for gaming :) i have installed almost everything i want from my old PC but its too late to keep at it - i will have to wait till after work tomorrow.

Work is good (new job only been there a cple of months) gov work is relatively interesting and although i have been crazy busy lately i have also been building flex time and will have a cple of days off next week :) Hooray for flex :)

Andrew is great we have been dating for 6 months now and it still seems to be working :)

Family is well my sister visited for a cple of days and that was awesome :) it was great to see her :)
Missing my mum and dad but will be going home for christmas this year so that will be fantastic :)

House and uber housemates are well - missing Dan as she travels the globe (well the european part of it anyway) electricity keeps blowing and our oven does not work anymore so i will need to sort that out with the landlord next week - still at least we havent lost all power and can still heat our rooms :)

Thats all folks will endevour to update more frequently but meh i have been busy and most people who want the goss on my life know me well enough to ask via some other method like emailing me at work, calling or txting my mobile of heyjust plain old asking when they see me - apologies for the rest of you :)

xxx
Cheers
Jinx

A New Year and a New Life :)

2006-12-27T15:28:00.000+11:00

Hi there readers :)

Sorry for the long space in blogs - Life is wonderful - Job is fantastic - my housemates are great - my friends are awesome - new boyfriend is pretty damn great too - and soon am going home to see my parents - Life, you could say is just about perfect :)

Happiness is a strange sensation - even my co-workers are noticing difference in me - possibly related to loud signing whilst working ;)

Christmas was really lovely - I crashed Winnie's family celebration again this year and had a great time - her family are so welcoming and loving it is so nice to spend christmas with them since my own family are so far away.

Christopher came to see me before leaving for his holiday home with his dad - which was the highlight of my week - I have missed him a great deal and so seeing him was special :)
Also he brought me a lovely pressy for christmas - season 2 of Hex :) :) Have already watched it and loved it :)

Have been spenind lots of time with Jen lately and that been great too - I am having such a good time in my life right now I am constantly surprised by it :)

Have been downloading Torchwood season 1 - it is fantastic - have almost the whole season but the later episodes are harder to find - but so far loving it - must buy it as soon as i can :)

thats about it - not much else to say - am housesitting/dog sitting for a friend at work and her house is very relaxing- there is alot of her energy about the place and it is just so easy to chill out there - plus charlie(dog) is a real sweety who loves to cuddle :)
Andrew (new Boy) has stayed with me the lat few days as we attempt to get to know each other before I leave for home - all is good - so far he does not seemed concerned with my, how shall we put it, interesting behaviour quirks :)

Anyway - Have a fantastic New Year - and hope you all had a great christmas - I will be partying up at Muddle for New Years eve then am off home on teh 2nd and will not return till the 2oth so take care and keep well.

xxx
Jinx

2006-11-26T17:51:00.000+11:00

Today is one of those days.

I dreamed a strange dream last night - one of those dreams which are memory based and thus feel real - I dreamed of Matt and how we were and then I woke up alone - and the memories of all that has happened this year came flooding back.

today is one of those days.............

Life Update

2006-11-25T18:28:00.000+11:00

Its been a while sinse I felt like blogging - dnot really feel like it right now but am caving to peer preasure :)

Life is life thats about it really - up and down like a rollercoaster - I am still in the new job and although sometimes it sucks and work very hard I am enjoying it most of the time - like all jobs its not great all the time but it is good most of the time and I think thats all you can ask for :)

Have heard nothing from Matt - I have heard about him, he is doing well and happy with his partner in QLD - ihave no real way to know how long they were together - I suspect it was around the time of his 30th as after that he began returning to brisbane frequently and acting a little odd - I believe her name is sarah and that they have been in each others lives for a long time - certainly long enough for his family to think I was her when I called to make sure he was alright and for them to be angry upon hearing I was his girlfriend in canberra. Life goes on - I am angry at his cowardise but mostly just licking my wounds and feeling foolish :)

Speaking of foolish I am no longer spending time with Tony - that was a short time together but a bloody long one night stand - I am angry at him and his best friends treatment of me and hell women in general - I do believe there is a decent guy somewhere in there but he is well hidden.
Men are so funny in the way make assumptions about women and what we want - I am not a fam of games and thus prob not well equiped to be dating in this era :)

I mostly work and sleep now - am back on medication and it helps - I am sleping better and functioning on a nice level of ambivilence :)

I have not seen any of the people I was friends with when I first came to canberra in a long time - i suspect that ship has sailed - but they know where I am if and when they want to see me.

I dont game much anymore - I suspect its due to how uncomfortable some games were for me - its ok - i miss it sometimes but thanks to work I rarely have time anymore so dont notice that im not gaming :)

I cancelled my WOW account - too much was related to Matt - I found I was not enjoying it as much - and after working on a computer all day I find I just cant be bothered turning mine on when I come home :)

We have a house huest for a while Winnie has come to stay :) Mark is still in England - hope he is having a great time - Danica and Jonno celebrated a whole year together yesterday :) Thats about it really nothing else to report.

I am happyish and healthyish and enjoying most of life - also looking forward to my holiday back home in january - and my girlfriends visit this week :) Overall not to bad :)

Till next time keep dreaming :)
Jinx

A grown up job

2006-09-19T16:14:00.000+10:00

Wow things at work are very frantic right now, I have been uber busy this week and its only tuesday...I fly to sydney on thursday morning at some crazy time ( even too early for the birds to fly) fo a conference working all day thursday, thursday night and friday then fly home again friday night....think I will need some serious relaxing this weekend :)

Still love my job and enjoying this new sense of adulthood...people are relying on me to make big decisions that impact on serious issues .. its kinda scary I worry that I will make a mess of things..still so far so good.

Just discovered I also have to attend a conference in Albury early next year...and I might actually have to present something there ..oooh this is scary :)

Anyway thats it must return to working
Cheers

Loving Life

2006-09-05T16:53:00.000+10:00

Weekend away was just too good to describe....it had been nearly two years sinse I had last seen the ocean...we got there early friday evening and went straight to the water where I just stood for about 15 minutes revelling in the sound and feel of the ocean....I was almost in tears from the nostalga....it was almost like home....first time sinse comming to the ACT that I have felt remotely like I belonged....it was amazing :)
Rest of the weekend was uber fantastic there is nothing like hanging with your friends and chilling in the beach, cooking and drinking and ofcourse having great *** (edited for parental viewing ;) to make you feel alive again.

I am constantly in awe as to how great my life is right now....I am so ridiculously happy...I find myself laughing aloud at odd times during the day and singing all the time...hopefully my new work mates will find this behaviour endearing rather than annoying.
Love my job and sooo very excited about the role I will play in indigenous crisis support....start date still being negotiated with the temp agency that found me but all is good to go after that :) :) :)
Lots of smiles about this :) :) :)

Miss the beach already but Miss Jen has said I can use the house whenever I need to feel the sand in my toes and the sea breeze on my face...she rocks ona whole new level :)

Glad I stayed instead of running like I usually do....think perhaps Im growing up a wee little bit...
The only down side in my life currently is a bad hair cut but that will grow out soon enough and I will no longer look like a boy...still I think im a cute boy so I guess thats ok ;)

going off to veg in front of tele till its time for gym class but will update again..
cheers
Jinx

Job, weekend away and bile

2006-09-01T09:25:00.000+10:00

New job..fantastic love it am very very happy...got offered an aps 6 position yesturday morning and when i went back to my work and told them they made a counter offer so i would stay with them....it is my dream job on a plate for a lot of money...loving this :)
Going away for weekend to beach for some down time in the sun hope it will be fun there are a group of us going so should be good.
Feel very ill have had to come home from work all the bile from bronchitis is now sitting in my stomache and makingme vomit alot....less fun but still overall life is fantastic...
Our sport team won a victory last night our first win....true it was only brcause the other team did not turn up for the match but still it is a win ;)
cheers
Jinx

Update

2006-08-26T17:12:00.000+10:00

Okay so its prob time I did a real update for those of you not currently hanging with me much.
A few weeks ago Matt decided we should forget about our relationship because I had phoned his parents to leave a message for me...He got very angry and his parents had no clue who I was, it beacme fairly obvious that there is alot about Matt that he has not felt able to share with me...my mum thinks he is prob married...I doubt it cause he was with me for a while and that is one big lie..but whatever it is there is something in his life that means I just cant be a part of it...I was angry and hurt at first and then I decided I was hanging on to something that was never really there in the first place...I replied to his suggestion of forgetting the whole thing with an email saying I agreed with him, loved him and wished him the best.

I love him that has not changed and I hope that he is at least happy where ever he is, or if not happy then trying to be because he is a beautiful man that I loved greatly but sadly it just was not there, I think or at least I like to think he loved me in his own way anyway whatever and where ever his life takes him I wish him well.

A short while after the initial email from him I also lost my job and having never been fired before got greatly distressed about it not to mention the financial dramas this created. I was fired for breeching company policy, its was policy that I not buy shoes from mysels..I did so I was fired...three days after a new promotion and salary increase by 5000 dollars..hmmm...I think there are some communication issues within the company...But in the end I did the wrong thing and broke the policy so fair enough...It turned out to be the greates blessing in disguise...after the first few days unemployed I emailed Matt and ended it for me so it was a low time and for a while it was touch and go as to whether I would make it through intack..I did...I have become a better person though this as had this happened a year or so ago I would have run..just packed and left not to return as I have done so many times in the past...this time I did not...despite the depression and yuckiness that comes with it I stayed and I am proud of that.

I could not have managed without my housemates and friends, Mark, Danica, and Alex have been nothing but supportive and loving to me in this time taking care of me physically, emotionally and financially I am deeply in thier debt and somehow thank you just does not seem sufficient. My friends and the group I play sport with and hang with have been amazing in turning this situation around for me....I am happy and can not really remember a time in the last 6 years or so when I was this happy.
I am a very lucky person to have this support in my life.
My parents and family have been a rock for my life always and were no different this time..thier support for my decisions allows me to cope when things are bad.....
Anyway thats about it....I am here and I am happy...I am also working again at a job I really love and have returned to the social work/community development area, its only temp at the momment admin support but it is great the people are fantastic and work is rewarding emotionally and financially...Hooray...
Thanks to the readers
Jinx

Intresting times

2006-08-14T14:49:00.000+10:00

I am happy. Its odd as over the last few weeks things have been kind of crazy I lost my boyfriend and then my job in the space of 2 weeks...and yet for the first time in almost too long to recall I am happy.
Things with Matt are finally over...it was a long toxic relationship with a long drawn out and messy end but it is over...I feel like all the poison is just being sapped from me and I can begin to heal. I love him still and wish him the best in all his life but there was just too much bitterness for the relationship to ever mend and for me to heal the hurt but now I feel like I can.
My job was making me unhappy and even though it sucked to loose it and I was stunned having never been fired before I am better, I am happy...broke beyond all imagining :) but happy.
I am begining to focus back on my masters thesis prep, reading and getting my idead organized ready for mext year when I intend to complete it. Looking for work but being very selective about the kind of positions I apply for...its been a week and I guess the idea of being able to direct my life in the direction I want to go is still pretty appealing...I have to say that I would prob be miserable and in much worse situation if not for my housemates...they are amazing and if I could affors some kind of grand gesture Id show them as it is thankyous just dont seem to be enough to explain how I value thier support and friendship during the last few months.
I will keep you all posted but for now I am happy and excited about the new oppurtunities this seeming disaster will open up for me.
cheers
jinx

2006-07-23T21:00:00.000+10:00

I hurt so badly that I am almost beyond feeling now, How cruel is love that this is always the place it leads us and like merry naive children we follow even when we know where it leads. Driving helps, tonight I drove for an hour and I tried to let the rain comming in the window wash my hurt away. I know all the comfort words people will offer, it wont last, time will heal, your so much luckier than some, I know these things and yet I find myself taking no comfort from them, I know Im not alone in my emptiness and that people all around the world are feeling the hurt of love everyday and yet the hurt generates the selfish belief that this pain is somehow different, even when I know its not. It always hurts like it never hurt before, every damn time. As Nanny Ogg would say the wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue...sometimes it makes you wonder what the reasoning behind virtue really is, perhaps its a ploy by the sinners to keep all the fun in thier world while the virutous take all the torment that they leave in thier wake. Something to ponder. Not that in any way I align myself with the virtuous..perhaps this is merely justice afterall I feel certain there are those who would see it as such even if I dont.

The day is sunday, it is drizzling in some palces in this city I currently call home and the mood as you may be aware is gloomy.

This is your update I hope you have enjoyed.

2006-06-15T21:35:00.000+10:00

Job stinks, really busy, am planning on getting new job soonish, cold is bad, queensland is nice and sunny and why oh why did i come to this wasteland you people pretned is a real state....house is good, car just had a check up and car doctor says after big but not crazy big reasonable bill that car is fine and dandy....seeing my doctor on sat and hoping for similiar result with less $$ involved, Matt still in queensland its been 11 weeks now...I miss him....he is not well...I am scared...*sigh*.....Am having a whole weekend off this week am very excited and even thought i will prob end up doing nothing but sleep and play wow i am still looking forward to it alot.....wow is up and running on my housemate marks comp as my comp like so many of the pieces of technology in my life is doing the machine equivalent of hidding undere the bed and refusing to come out :) its my anti-techno voodo at work:)

Dreams have been crazy lately...scary , funny, sexy, odd and those that just make no sense what so ever......am hoping a trip to doctor on sat will resolve my bizaare behaviour both while sleeping and awake....my housemates are being very understanding....still at least it is entertaining for them.

Well I am too bed now...sleepy and needing to rest.
night
jinx

There is always time for a local :)

2006-06-06T18:04:00.000+10:00

Busy Busy Busy...store audit this week ARGHHHHH lots and lots of stuff to do..tedious mind numbingly dull things......also major sale begining same day as audit and my regional thinks that i should be able to do an audit and set up for a sale all on my own and at the same time...I tell you I am super girl ;)

Matt called...Hooray....just to touch base....I still worried and sad but feel a bit better again after talking to him and hearing his voice....

Despite being crazy busy this week the uber housemates -except miss D due to her even busier schedule- still managed to find the time to check out the local pub....great success...it is fantastic...we have decided we will be going there regularly at least once or twice a week...great food, pool tables, awesome atmosphere, fire place, good prices....its too good to be true....introduced myself to the owner...Ryan...great guy pub will be there for at least another two years so I need not worry about great thing ending too soon :) :) :) As you may have guessed I am greatly pleased by the discovery of this magnificent local pub!!

No I wont tell you where it is cause if too many people go it will be less great:P

2006-06-04T15:58:00.000+10:00

Lately I have been in regular contact with people in my life both here and back home in queensland who make me feel like i should be apologizing for something...
people with whom every day feels like some sort of sordid competition, people that are friends of mine, mutual acquantences of friends, and of course the new partners of former lovers of mine....
some of my friends comented on this and said i should feel flattered that these people were so impressed by me that they felt the need to compete ...perhaps thats true and i should feel good...
but what is so frustrating is that i have found myself responding to this....feeling like i am failing to measure up in some way....competeing with people for no reason.......
well sod that.....I am better than that....at least i should be.....I have finished with it....

Attention all competetors in the be better than me comp....
YOU WIN...I quit....
you are better, nicer, prettier, people like you more, your ass is smaller, your boobs bigger and he likes you in bed/social settings better.....
whatever it was you felt you had to compete with me for you win....

I have more importent things to do than play childish games with people...... :) I feel better.

Things in my life are complicated.....I love my boyfriend and in his own strange way he loves me....
I love my new house and my new housemates...even when there is no hot water :)
I hate my job but plan to get a new one, I miss my family but plan to see them soon,

I am scared and sick with grief and worry about Matt and what he is facing now, and about Daniel and James and how they will cope with the loss of thier father, and about Michael whose latest round of malaria seems to have triggered diabeties, and about all the hurt in the lives of the people i care so much about that i cant fix or even ease....

These are the things that should matter not petty differences based on nothing more than insecurities both mine and thiers....I took a stand with one person recently....I ceased apologizing for being her boyfriends ex and his closest friend....I simply stopped caring what she thought or allowing her insecurities about her position in the world to drag me into a stupid little cat fight over his affections......especially since I honestly think his affection should be firmly with her...she is his girlfriend and the mother of his child......the constant attacks drew me in and raised my defences and a peevishly entered into this silly little game.....I have allowed this t happen with more than one person...enough....I am being silly and shall not do this anymore....

On a lighter note....birthday been and gone....other various celebrations been and gone....another round of the flu been and hopefully gone soon....life continues......good to see people at movies last night...it has been a while...coffee was also nice despite cold chilly air :)

Hmmmm does this mean i should chill perhaps?

2006-05-19T19:18:00.000+10:00

Fighter
96% Combativeness, 26% Sneakiness, 38% Intellect, 41% Spirituality

Good at hitting things and with a definite violent streak; you are a Fighter!

Fighters are the basic martial combatants in D&D. Their abilities
and skills vary wildly between individuals, but they all share one
thing in common… a definite preference for violence.

You're either really defensive, have an unhealthy fascination with
sharp objects… or you just like hurting people. Either way, you should
probably try and keep your cool. Being able to hack someone into pieces
maybe a useful skill in most RPGs, but in real life it will just get
you into trouble.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Combativeness
You scored higher than 30% on Sneakiness
You scored higher than 3% on Intellect
You scored higher than 31% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

mellow moods, coffee and breakfast at tiffany's....

2006-05-19T18:59:00.000+10:00

Today has been a mixed emotions day....went and got a spare tyre from the wreckers, went to the mall and got my nails done (how incredibly girly) as a birthday treat to myself, my beautiful big sis Leonie sent me card and some money to treat myself with so I also bought the first season of coupling on dvd (it was on sale)....

was feeling down and mellow cause still no word from matt....i am angsty and scared that he will forget my birthday.....its been over a week since i last heard from him and he is not answering his phone.....so in an effort to cheer me Liam my local friendly coffee legend made me a fine coffee (on the house) and put breakfast at tiffany's on loudly in the centre of the mall and sang it with me....it worked well...i was cheered....feeling stressed about dinner tomorrow night....worried i will cry or something stupid and wreck the evening for everyone else...although a few of my friends have failed to respond to the invite and some are bailing so at least if i do behave appallingly there wont be that many wittnesses.....still too many to kill discretely but prob not enough to really worry about....ah the retreat into humour...or something that resembles it vaguely......

Am listening to music (utterly depressing stuff) and contemplating what to do now.....think i might ring my sis and thank her...she generally makes me feel better.....will call family later although i expect i will get a call from them tomorrow....missing them alot.....they always make the world seem a better place.....my friends do too just in different ways...there noone like family :)

well thats it will prob update as to how dinner went at some point...or else will avoid the subject entirely which will inform you that it went shit :)

cheers
jinx

WTF

2006-05-18T15:46:00.000+10:00

my blog seems to haved crapped itself....bloody fantastic....here goes my mystic like anti techno voodo.....i hate this sodding computer.

Birthday Wish List

2006-05-16T18:38:00.000+10:00

1. World domination *meh he he*
2. A date with the actor in King Kong who played the play write :)
3. Less bottom
4. More boob - less gravity effects however
5. Ram for my computer
6. Digital camera replace or repair
7. Ross Noble....in a ribbon
8. New work clothes....ones to make bottom look less giant
9. Public service job...or failing that large amounts of money for little to no effort
10.Books Books and more Books
11. Dvd's and Cd's
12. Anything shiny
13. A trip to the zoo
14. My boyfriend home
15. Sex (see above)
16. A rack for my ridiculous number of shoes
17. Dance lessons
18. Dnd fun stuff
19. Spanish lessons
20. A night out with all the people I care about.....whatever tokens of affection you may choose to give....from world domination plans to a shiny pebble all will be accepted and loved :)

Wow well alot has happened....update time

2006-05-16T18:05:00.000+10:00

Ok well firstly i guess is the news that i got a new house..hooray...i now love with mark, alex and miss dan...it is fantastic and so far i am loving every day....we just got our broadband hooked up so yah non-stop interweb access...this makes me a very happy but very tierd girl...will prob get worse once my comp is upgraded and i can play wow.....Um still not back at uni and still no closer to choosing topic to complete masters...will defer again.....am still saving the world one shoe at a time only now they have decided that the new shop i am currently 2ic in no longer requires a full time manager so it will be just me most of the time with a weekly visit from another stores manager to fix any of the significant things i may cock up in the absense of supervision......Matt is still away...yes it has been a long time...no i have no idea if or when he will return...and no thanks i dont want to talk about it....other than to say i miss him and am frustrated...also oddly am begining to find other men attractive....lack of physical contact is beging to stress me...ha ha ha...*sigh*....

In other news it is my birthday this saturday....am planning some kind of event just a little sketchy as to minor details like where and when and all that jazz....plus am debating on a visit to my family instead of party here so will let you know...well those of you i am inviting anyway...those planning to attend regardless of lack of invitation i just ask that you come bearing appropriate tokens of birthday cheer.....

cant think of anything else i particually want to write...had a bad week....dear family friend died ont he same day as an uncle of mine...missed out of my family friends funeral and had to hear second hand that another special friend is having a baby with a girl i have never met *sigh* I am happy for him just feel a little sad cause it makes me feel left behind if that makes sense...but enough on these things dont want to make myself depressed again..........

am physically healthyish despite having some serious fat day issues....apparently i have lost weight but i do not believe it and every morning suffer that breif momment of panic in which i think should i leave the house looking this way i am sure to be mistaken for a pastry donut advertisment.....*sigh*.......ah well such is life.....by the way if you read this and then decide it would be funny to deliberately confuse me with a giant pastry advert be warned i have a mean right cross.....

cheers
jinx

another day another ... well whatever

2006-04-18T23:28:00.000+10:00

it is close to midnight and i am blogging whilst the television plays a doco on the boyband westfield ....................................(oops i think its westlife but hey group of talentless hacks and a collection of crap stores i see the resemblence)- oh now the tv has decided the band is actually called human nature....hee hee there all the same really arent they?
.....................................................and thier amazing journey into the sounds of mo-town....dont ask...yes i know i hate myself and the punishment far outways the crimes......

I am still sick although the fact i can actually face leaving the house suggests improvement.....work is as always dull and inspiring of apathy.......Matt I asume is well at least no one has notified me that he is not (he assures me that should things be bad his family would call) he is still in brisbane and i still miss him even though he bugs me a great deal by dissapearing to remote areas without reception for over a week...*sigh*...

My mums birthday on friday so tomorrow i will be dashing to get gift and card that vainly attempts to express the depth of my love and respect for her posted so it arrives in time...i am relying on the dedication of the postal service (laughs a laugh that drips with sarcasm).....

am desperate for a job that has relevance to the field i have spent the last few years pulling hair out (mostly mine) over.....situation still grim....I have a bach in soc science with double majors in anth and arch, a grad dip in bio anth, and am one thesis (ha ha) away from a masters in bio anth with a specialty in either weapons trauma or disease skeletal indicators.....and what do i do? I sell shoes.....and i sell them well.....(*sigh*) Dan is right I am saving the world one shoe at a time............

House hunting going very slow.....we all work and study and thus time is a massive factor also real estate people in canberra are bastards....well ok prob not all of them...just the ones i have met so far......

still in need of hobby.....also need fitness...less bum and more money *sigh* any suggestions greatly appreciated :)

Day off tomorrow thankfully...spending the day thus far.....chemist to demand they fix the outbreak currently present upon my face.......lunch with miss dan giving of easter gift.......birthday present posted.....home to email resume to necessary peoples....then on an adventure to some medical, forensic and investigative clinics around this city to beg for job/experience/office supplies.....(the last one is for when i am rejected for the first two...gotta get something for my time....id settle for a paperclip)

anyway its time to try and sleep although that is getting harder lately.....head heavy with thoughts and crfazy plans....also anxiety fears being mean lately and freaking me late in the night when no one is awake to talk me out of them....am re-reading alot of my terry pratchet books......always good for a giggle and distraction......

had crazy idea for masters project...involving computer peoples expertise.....and possibly bones, stone tools, or chimps....this occurred at around 2 am this morning so as to wether it is worth following up in the light of day i am still undecided.....perhaps the next step is to seek comp programming peoples advise.....boom boom into the lair i will have to decend :)

will sleep on it perhaps some clarity will come in a dream....or perhaps not

cheers
jinx

Saving the world......one shoe at a time :)

the couch is slowly becoming my world......eek.....help before it is too late.....thank god for remotes.

2006-04-14T21:10:00.000+10:00

Just when you think everything is going good again and all in your world is happy .... am feeling crappy again....sick for the last few days and that is not condusive to a happy happy time...also having incredibly painful cramps for my first period in over a year....had to take a day of work which means less money....cant get through to matt to whinge to him...and the people here who i have tried to get in touch with have ignored me.....this has led to a sad sad jinx...have been too sick to do much for the last two days so i am sad to say my life has consisted of getting from bed to the couch then watching television or movies till it is time to go back to bed.....it is very depressing and my meds dont seem to be fixing it...they are usually good but not the last week....perhaps higher dosage but am already taking two a day and combined with my antibiotics and cold and flu tablets i am popping 8 pills a day...my system is crying....no pills i suspect are not the solution to this temporary crisis of lonelyness.....Gavin agrees that i need a hobby....i used to write but find my insperation as lacking as the chicken of happiness lately....also i cant write fast enough to keep up with my thoughts and as such need to use a computer or typewritter to write....my comp is loud and large and fixed in its current location in my bedroom...not a place for creativity...well the writting kind anyway....even the fairy lights have failed to inspire...but that i feel will pass when i am more active and busy...i always write and work better when i am pressed for time.....so a hobby i require...problem is i am not particularly intersted in any one thing...also financial constrants mean hobby must be relatively cheap.......I am stuck....please please offer suggestions....anyone reading this give me a hobby suggestion....updates will be posted as i continue on my sofa sojourn

Blurrrkkk

2006-04-12T21:22:00.000+10:00

Hi world....work is good...car is good...love life good....although presently still in another state....I am sick...flu like virus thing....am cranky cause I already had my flu shot and went through hell with that and now i'm sick anyway...had to come home early today from work and having to take tommorrow off cause people for some reason object to being served by someone whose nose is pouring faster than Niagra....and whose eyes look like two swollen peaches.......beats me why...I thought having your shop assistant sneeze all over you was all part of the service :)
Any way am off now to ring boy and say hi then away to bed for me...plan on staying there most of tommorrow too....

catch you on the flip side
xxx
jinx

sigh

2006-04-01T22:49:00.000+11:00

Hi everyone, James and Gavin just spent hours playing with my computer and trying to make it work properly so I figured I had better blog to show my appreciation.....
Life is up and down...I am well, work is going ok, and am very happy with Matt...except for the minor issue of him now living two states away in brisbane....for an indefinate period of time....very sad...he had to go...miss him...worry alot...wish he were here or I was there....but am happy with him and me......anyway thats the situation it sucks but I am trying like hell to focus on other things like work (ha ha), uni (ha ha ha Oofhg.. Sorry just fell off my chair) and maybe moving sometime soon....am looking for a big house to share with miss dan, mr mark, and mr alex...should be great times ahead..but have made it clear that if there is no broadband I am not going...as broadband is the only thing that could tempt me away from my current house and wonderful housemate Gavin...carpet would also be appreciated...and ofcourse heating goes without saying :) winter is coming on again and the days are getting chillier....finding the thought of heading north to brisbane very appealing.....wondering too alot how it was I ended up in Canberra and what it is that keeps me here.....I think the people have a lot to do with it....I may have only known them for a short period of time but they have become such an importent feature in my world...they are wonderful and I am constantly surprised by them and their friendships....yes I am talking about you Dan, Win, Alex, James, Mark, Bela, Adrian, Gavin, and ofcourse my personal favorite Matt ;) Combine these people with the people I already knew here like the amazing Christopher and his band of merry men (and women) and I get a bit of an idea as to why it is I am still here even with the weather turning nasty again...........
Well thats about it...there are many other wonderful people who did not personally get a mention...I do love you and thank the stars for your friendships everyday but prob did not see you lately and thus thoughts of you have been pushed out my ears...or possibly I was distracted by something shiny the moment I was about to type your name :)
Take care and I will blog again soonish.....if the computer sere only shinier :)

stuff and things

2006-02-21T20:20:00.000+11:00

well things are going pretty good...am being contracted at work as 2ic at the new store the hours are going to be alright and i like the manager so that will be good, possums being a pain again lately but i will survive...car is going great except for a brief spell of burning engine things which the mechanix inform is not a good thing but that is fixed now so here is hoping all will remain well...health wise i am ok exhausted alot and kinda off my food but it will pass...M is great although i suspect he is far too pretty for his own good :) finaly got his birthday presents sorted out after much amusment and meeting some very unusual individuals...more on that story later...parents are good i miss them but they sound happy and enjoyment full so that is a bonus...have not spoken to my sisters lately but will endevour to remedy that soon..ish...i am soo bad at telephoning people :) all else ok...cant complain and that is blessing...feeling happy and also kinda surprised by that....got an extremely cool new belly jewlery with dice on it...M bought it for me when we went to get his butt tattooed on valentines day...hee hee it was such a great night...dinner, drinks, flower and then body art...perfectly suited to him and me :)
well that about sums up things and stuff for now...hope everyone is good and will promise to catch up with those of you i have been neglecting soon....james are we gaming on fri cause i may have to leave earlyish...also is it at yours or claires etc you know me i never check boards to buzz my phone and let me know :)

xxx
jinx

Meh

2006-02-11T20:47:00.000+11:00

Feeling good right now...communication is wonderful thing....was feeling kinda freaked and upset but talked to M and now i feel better...even when he is down he can still make me feel better..funny huh....things are ok am tierd alot and my headaches and nosebleeds seem to have decided to visit again for the last couple of days...things will be better when i get into a routine and can focus on uni again.....*sigh* I miss being a full time student.....still shoes are ok for now...
Must apologies to those of you I have neglested lately truely I am sorry ...I could give you the ususal excuses about being exhausted and working but that does not help and as it appears i will be that way for a while to come i will just have to make a better effort despite those things :)

Winnie my love I am not avoiding you and would very much like to see you sometime soon...tried to get a day off next week to no avail but if your free sometime come in an lunch with me before they move me to gungahlin......miss you your wonderful and stop being paranoid i love and cheris your friendship....always have always will...xxx

Thanks for the company today james and little miss it was nice to veg with you also comp fair was kinda cool even if i had no money with which to purchase cool stuff...also thanks for your comment yes reality is a bitch that way..... but sometimes it surprises you in some wonderful ways....

Miss Dan you are always one of the only thing that helps....thanks you.xxx

cheers
jinx
xxx

stuff and crap

2006-02-03T18:40:00.000+11:00

things ok....very exhausted from work this week and still another shift to go tomorrow this time at gunghalin store...am at miss jens place now filling in time and resting till game tonight at james house....news on the work front...have been offered perminent part time 2ic role at the store in gunghalin it is slightly less convienient but guarenteed hours so it should work out ok...still no clue what to write my thesis on and have to decide soon so as to begin research now...stuff all in air dont know what im doing...all kinds of thoughts and options up and coming possible transfer to brisbane sometime soonish...hmmm..miss quensland and there is a uni and job waiting for me...hmmm but will be here for a while longer anyway.....well thats it got to go for now will update again soonish....

xxx

The heart wants what the heart wants and there is really nothing else to say.....

jinx

belated blog

2006-01-28T20:56:00.000+11:00

Hi all...things good...feeling pretty god about life at the momment....M doing better and things there seem to be good....Dan's birthday was fantastic...she is above and beyond an amazing girl really love her.....dinner friday was also pretty good although james managed to get us lost on the way home not once but twice...he came in my car so i would not get lost :) today was nerd fest 2006 (cancon) was not as cool as last year more game less cool stuff....still managed to spend some dollars on funky dice cause as you all know you can never have enough dice...also bought a pres for Matt....cant say what in case he reads this before he gets it but it rocks and I will be borrowing it off him :)
Have decided to run a game.....daring stuff given i still suck so badly at playing.....(aparently i ruin games)....still who cares its a game YES A GAME.....people playing in mine will understand that i suck and get nervous and make stupid mistakes...hopefully i wont stink too badly....going to run something noones played before that way when i stuff it up hopefully no one will notice :) hee hee....prob run a monthly thing or two monthly depending on peoples availability etc....not for a while yet cause need to finish reading the books so i at least have some background info...*sigh* this is going to be interesting..........
been hanging with adrian alot lately...thats been good have missed his company....prob one of the best people i have met in a long time...certainly been a huge support for me over the last year of intersting times.....his wonderful housemate alana is leaving soon and that makes me sad cause she is great....there seems to be a crazy plan about me taking over her room when she goes sometime mid year...seems like it could work but have not made any plans yet..will see how it goes.....there is a game on at my house and thats cool...i not in it cause was not here all day but it sounds like they having a blast....occassionally yelling and shouting out classic nerd stuff...i love it.....B still not really talking to me which sucks given how good a friend he was...i get it but it still hurts and i still feel like he is being unfair....selfish of me but thats how i feel.....work is ok...told them i cant go full time cause of uni commitments and am in the process of negotiating for part time...hope that works out..the company is a good one.....anyway thats about it...Polly sorry did not call been kinda crazy busy lately but i miss you and love you always and will try to be better at telephoning soon.....xxx......my lovely car is running great and finally has a name...BUG...she's great/he's great...I am respecting its privacy......name comes from the car smelly thing in the dash that looks like a little bug....anyway am off now....must get organised for next week....

cheers
xxxx
jinx

2006-01-21T14:33:00.000+11:00

hi all its been a while since i last posted but hey i was never labelled the most reliable within my social circles....things are still pretty crazy for me i am working alot but seem to be earning less...got offered masters at anu so thats exciting will be deferring till next semester to give me a chance to organise my head and heart, pick a topic, find a sponsor and sort my finances out for the year of full time study ahead...decided to do masters as a full time student its harder on my pocket but in reality part time just does not have as much support from my university....i think it will be good for me to return to uni and provide me with something to focus on and strive for...gamed on friday night finished the campaign of B's...it was nice to see him again....game was great as always am sad to see the end of it....Alex's birthday was last week and i was so caught up in my own crap i did not know....will try to make it up to him at some point.....Dan's birthday next week so trying to sort something out for that was hoping to have the day off to party with her on her birthday night but no such luck have to work...guess its good as i need the money...will party gently and try to drink only a little so as to still be able to function the next day.....things with M still strange...dont really know where i stand and feel like he still compartmentalising outside of his life..he's just doing it at his place now instead of mine....he's having rough time so i dont want to push...trying to be supportive but hate feeling like he's shutting me out...itd be easier if i did'nt care so much for him but hey thats the way it goes....the heart does what the heart wants and never makes it easy.....i hope he is ok and that when his life settles there will be room in it for me and that the role he wants me to play is the one i want to play but i guess only time will tell......have not seen christoph lately and thats makes me a bit sad but hope to catch up with him sometime soon....emma is in town and i enjoyed seeing her and hanging a bit sucks that she must return to the middle of nowhere soon.....all else is ok am over the poisoning finally although my stomache still a bit shakey but the pain has stopped now just have to get round to having the biopsy my doctor wants done.....am not too worried he is just being over cautious as usual....winn has black hair again..i liked the red but think the black always looks great on her especially just after its done...my hair is brown with little bits of red through it...not on purpose just cause i have not been bothered colouring it lately...will get round to that at some point.....car is running well love it and am enjoying the freedom it represents for me....must organise plate return, nrma road side assitance, new tyres and a wheel alignment but...yep you guessed it i'll get round to that at some point.....well gotta go now am taking ccare of a friends dog and loving the k9 companionship so will return to playing in the yard with zoe now.
cheers
jinx
xxx

general up date crap

2006-01-03T23:14:00.000+11:00

hi am still alive...busy cant type long...being hasselled...need to go to bed and sleep..working early...car good but still not transfered...im ok sore and feeling kinda spaced lately but hopeful it will pass....some people been great others jerks but hey nothing new in that although this time its the usual jerks who have been great.....and thats the way it is for this early new year....take care will update again sometime..
xxx
jinx

quick catch up....

2005-12-19T20:30:00.000+11:00

well new car passed roaqd worthy and now trying to face the challenge of transfer of rego interstate for a car under ten years.....i am begining to think it may actually be easier and cheaper for me to move to NSW and tranfer my licence then to try to transfer the car!!!! Work is busy have been out of touch with the world....missing sports and my fav weekly catch up with mr chris.....late night shifts and crazy christmas working hours...am tierd and have sore feet all the time.....gavin still absent.....matt still around every now and then....love my friends as they are all special and wonderful and spoil me rotten even when i dont deserve.....hope that after christmas life will fall into a pattern of semi normalness.....missing my family alot and feeling bummed about not spending christmas with any of them.....still if i work hard now i will save money and be able to go home in the new year.......better go am having a quick dinner with a friend before racing off to see another..then sleeping..sleeping..sleeping....thank the lords i have an rdo tomorrow:)
cheers
jinx
xxx

New car...much excitment...cant talk need sleep too much work

2005-12-13T22:31:00.000+11:00

yep new car...it rocks i love it its green...9 years old....two door hatch back.....shiny with air con and a cd player.....it pretty and now has dice that smell (aparently) of vanilla.....i love it and hope that mechanic tomorrow sayd it good.......am suspect due to incredible bargain.......perhaps tooo good a deal.......optimism is my friend all will be well....am trying to take a note out of polly's and not get too excited in case things go wrong but it appears to not be working I am getting excited despite my best attempt not too....damn :) any how must go need sleep too tierd to do anything else....too much work lately....it will be nice to get out of debt so i try not to complain too much...night all....
cheers
jinx
xxx

I am a clever thing..apparently..also super shoe girl..and idiot to those who love me....

2005-11-30T21:56:00.000+11:00

Hooray I made it into the masters program at uni...i am just clever enough.....also shoe job is great i like it and am hoping to be goof at it...dan says i am super shoe girl.....my feet hurt so must buy comfy shoes...lucky i work in shoe store.....also am an idiot...chris visited tonight and I was unprepaired and oherwise occupied....i did not think he was comming so now i feel like idiot and also am very embarressed.....feel sheepish even.....miss em left lovely comment and also congrats for me on masters and uni stuff we will have ice cream celebrations when next she roams this way...hope it is soon..feel ice cream celebrations vital to life happiness :) am at winnies place as i must work in the morning...she is about to do my hair...*sigh* my friends are sooo good to me :)
Jinx
xxx

Feelings of frustration and down right crankyness

2005-11-26T22:01:00.000+11:00

I am graduating soon and noone who I thought would be sharing the occassion with me will be making an appearence...I will have no family there and am surprised by the fact that the people I had thought of as the friends who would take that role will also not be joining me......Win and Dan will accompany me and I am greatful for thier support......I am frustrated and confussed by the people here.....people seem to be avoiding me since the weekend....which i had forgotten about by the afternoon as it is a game A GAME just a frelling GAME.....I apologised to G about how his game went down...not because i feel responsible but because I am genuinely sad that it went bad.......feelings were hurt inadvertantly and that sucks but my feelings were also hurt....pulled out of game and this is prob for best as my new job starts next week and i will be working weekends...perhaps it is time i took a break from a few other things also......prob need to take some time away and clear my head.....feeling stretched and unhappy.........on a brighter side my new job starts monday and even though i am nervous it will be good to not be worrying about money again.....on a darker side am unwell again.....*sigh*.....i hope it passes soon......the doctor says its stress that is causing the pain and tummy dramas....and just to make me feel that little bit more special he wants to do another scrape of my cervix....just my luck :( Still at least that should be worth a lolly pop....maybe two if he decides a biopsy is required......honestly my vagina is really not that interesting i wish they would stop worrying about it.......
My life is confussing and sometimes downright mixed and messed up...but never mind at least it is always interesting....i have been missing my family alot lately and i guess feeling kinda sooky.....been seeing m a bit and trying to help him in anyway i can...but i think he is right...i am too nice to him..and need to learn to say no.....i would but sometimes it feels like he is the only one who gets me...sad huh......Dan finally had a couple of dates with the nice boy Jon.....although she kinda blew me off for him this evening which is uncool...but understandable......Win has been out with some cool people lately and am glad...although missing her a bit.....will be spending plently of time with her soon as her family have said i can stay when i am working and invited me to stay over christmas.....am pleased cause i was feeling down about not going home and spending christmas without my family.........still feel down but this will be an adventure I am sure.....

Bela been bummed out lately so we having a special tom cruise christmas party for him to cheer him up.....we have to dress as a tom cruise character and watch tom cruise movies and we are not allowed to bag tom cruise for the whole night.....should be interesting :)

Gamed today,,,James Game...was much fun....James and Magita and Catarina came round again thius evening and we hung...was glad to see them...Cat always cheers me up....well gues thats it.....Amy will be calling soon to see if i want to go out in about an hour...i think i will....

Jinx
xxxx

Dizzy spells and fainting fits

2005-11-17T18:23:00.000+11:00

Was at work today and started to feel very dizzy...then much to the surpirise of myself and those around me I fainted....it was very strange..am tierd and feel kinda weak but am sure it will pass...on a brighter note I got to finish an hour and half early....although I do need the money so not really that much of a bonus.....willl prob have to take day off tomorrow to clear my head from dizzyness....hopefully some exercise will help...am contemplating volleyball this evening.....things have been difficult and confussing and amazing and vexing and all kinds of other words I currently can not think of.....gavin home tomorrow yah!...emma visiting .....christopher and bela and james gaming here saturday with me gavin and emma....have been too busy to read the game stuff gavin got ready for me so he prob be cross...but thats cool i not sure how much of a game person i am going to be on sat......*sigh*....should go now feel yucky and i think a shower will help.............Matt visited me last night..........its better than being hung up on....*sigh*.....the heart is never easy................

Last ever piece of uni assessment finished....well prob last as it was so late i suspect I will not be invited back to do masters next year....good thing too cause I got no clue what to do...........feel strange like I dont fit anymore......its an unpleasent feeling that i hope will pass........chicken hat helps.

cheers
jinx
xxx

Proud owner of a chicken hat...and another job offer

2005-11-15T22:16:00.000+11:00

Well this is slightly late but have been working hard this week and thus too tierd to blog.....on sunday I went to the markets to purchase two chicken hats....in case you have never encountered a chicken hat before above is a picture to demonstrate why it is that when i first saw them both danica and myself exclaimed "my life will never be complete until i own a chicken hat"
Any way I bought the one above modeled so elegantly by me and another one exactly the same but with a green chook atop it instead of red/pink.....danica and i will wear them to the madhatters ball on saturday evening.....i feel they are appropriate for any ocassion but realise i may be alone in this belief........when i went to get them they were dearer than i remembered them being...i said to the lady oh I thought they were less" she said no they were always this price and that she barely made a profit from them and that it was a bargain price for a chicken hat........i kid you not........then when i saw the style of the ones i bought (new style same concept) i said "oh these are great..i like them better than the straw ones"....she replied "yes they are elegant...the colours are sutle"......I ofcourse thought she was joking and replied "yeah" *laughing* "as sutle as you can be with a chicken on your head"
She glared at me and said "what?" I replied "nevermind"...the conversation gets better....she asked what i wanted them for...i sadi to go to a ball....she thought i meant an actual ball and asked about our gowns and suggested that these were a much finer compliment to them than the straw ones and that we would look lovely........It was scary how much this women likes chicken and feels it to be an elegant statement to wear one on your head!

So thats the chicken story...crazy stuff....Dan says it all reminds her of Duckman and I totally agree :) "what duck?"

Now to the new job offer...whilst awaiting the chook ladies final ouches on our masterwork hats i wandered around the markets...and ofcourse ended up at the stall entitled "all things chocolate" where i met a wonderful woman who makes her own delicious chocolate goodies from scratch...she is planning to open her a chocolate/coffee/food store just after christmas and has invited me to work for her perminent part time...as a bonus she will teach me the wonders of creating chocolate goodness....*my ass is screaming mercy and please no*........she assures me that learning to make it is the best diet you can go on cause you get sick of it......i feel this is a challenge that must be responded to :) so anyway she will call me over the next couple of weeks and we will talk about what i/she wants from the situation...she is lovely lady even if i dont work for her will definetly hang around her store alot.........

Well bed for me cause must work again tomorrow and i am tierd stiff from todays crap shift...with mean yuppie who tried to get me sacked ...will save that story for another day...if i remember..

cheers
Jinx
xxx

You win some, you loose some, and sometimes you kick a ball into someones face......

2005-11-11T18:06:00.000+11:00

Had to blog again about last nights sporting drama....played soccer and was playing hard...running and trying....thought i was doing better than ususal too then in the last quater i kicked for the goal from like half field...so it was a hard kick...and it went straight into a girls face....it was bad and i felt awful....she was ok but will prob have a black eye.......It was an accident but all these people were glaring at me and i felt like they all thought i was playing rough and that it was my fault.......i get sad cause people think i play roungh but its not roughness its just sheer lack of skill and ability....i suck at sport and thus play crapily....i sorry that someone was hurt...especially this girl she was nice and unfortunetly she was petite so prob hurt her more than it might have hurt a larger better padded person such as myself.........glad she ok and in future...if i return without being strung up by mob rule....i will try to kick less hard and maybe even learn to stop running once i have started.....although the later will be difficult.......after it happened i learned she was a friend of most of the people there...and of the staff.....ooops of all the people to kick in face with ball....typical of my luck.....i actually was concerned i might get jumped in carpark and burnt at stake...was ready to run when danica came to get me.......i will try to remember to be a bit softer during play...am just very glad she alright and that it did not hit her nose....if it had i think it would have broken it........

I am a danger to others...perhaps full body armour should be issued to all players.......hmmm
anyway thus ends my weekly sporting adventures...
cheers
jinx
xxx

For love of shoes and coffee....

2005-11-11T17:52:00.000+11:00

Well last week has been really stressfull...thank the gods for danica...she made it less hell...also for my other friends who drop everything to support and care...they rock....yes thats you ...you know who you are.......last week my boss decided to give me no hours at all for the first time since he employed me.....it was even after I had told him that without hours I could not pay my rent......so decided i had to get another job...spent week looking and got several promising interviews...told my boss whe I went to see him today and he says oh well i gave you no shifts cause i was pissed at you for not being able to work the week before (my uni assessment week!!!) but he needs me to work every single day next week.......so he gives me 34 hours....now what do i tell the people offering me a job......was concerned for a while then got a call from the shoe store i applied at and was offered a job with them...they say i can still do the week for my current workplace and that they will work around it over the next few weeks so i dont leave my current boss short staffed...hooray for the shoe lady...i really like her....i am so excited it is a huge company that owns all kinds of stores that sell great stuff that i love and now they will pay me to get a discount in said stores!!!! YIPEEEE

Am very very excited..plus with 34 hours next week i will be able to get a decent wardrobe sorted for new job, replace torn and old wardrobe for current job, and buy a new bra (thank the lords).....also am excited cause job starts as casual but if i do well enough and they like me it will be full time management oppurtunity in the new year........*sigh*....today is good........

Fun times in amidst chaos...

2005-11-07T19:05:00.000+11:00

*sigh* yesturday was a great day...danica, me, amy, and gen had a girly day of markets and watching boys play cricket and generally hangin out...it was great...today danica me and win went job hunting in belco and danica straightened my hair again....i love it when she does that...am watching farscape under our new lights that are working and avoiding my essay..hee hee...busy day tomorrow.....feeling good even though things are kinda crazy right now....
cheers
Jinx
xxx

Dangerous Wayfarers and Dodgy Light Fuses

2005-11-05T22:42:00.000+11:00

Was awake till about 4am cause I could not sleep..then got woken up at 9.30ish to play Dangerous Wayfarers game which was awsome as usual....then later in the afternoon after game when we were ready to wrap it up we discovered that all the fuses for the lights in our house have gone...we had a grand total of one lamp till we traveled to james house to pinch one of his...now we have two...and a tele....James and Katarina came here and we ate bad chicken and chips dinner whislt watching the final disc in series 7 of Buffy...up to the last episode now and Kat is sleeping on the coach, Gavin on the other and James on a big cushion.....

Feeling really sooky today....was very wishing for cuddles from someone and sooky snuggling....*sigh*....sometimes I hate the complications of the heart.....wish sometimes that it could be easy and that snuggling was always available on demand.........*sigh*.........thats what was always good about Jay....cuddles and stuff were always ok despite anything that was going on we managed to keep our friendship and the physical comfort seperate and on a different level to anything else.......I miss him and the friendship we shared......I am so sad about the loss of my friendship with Matt........despite everything we have alwasy managed oer the last 9 months to keep our friendship straight....we somehow managed to stay connected on that level even when things were crap in every other way.........Now he is walking away from that without seeming to care about the loss.....I feel hurt that all the other stuff was enough to make the friendship less important....*sigh*...anyway thats enough of feeling like crap......He seems to want me to forget him...maybe thats best for everyone....if I was not in it his life would be smoother.....(see we can both play the matyre card "better off not knowing me") But joke as I do...I joke cause it hurts...cause maybe he is right...cause maybe I would be better off....I am sure he will be better off without the complications of me in his life and the needy sooking that comes with me.....I am sadened by this as I would have liked to have known he was on my side during my life and the problems I am dealing with.....

No more talk about that *rubs hands*

Job application for Qld Museum position going well....hope to finish it this weekend...then must do essay as it is way past due........hmmmm should do that now......As james notes I have two blogs this and another usually I just type shortened version ofthoughts into my LJ and longer into Blog tonight however to save time I will copy and paste the fun words of my thoughts into both....ha ha...I am brillent....I have two cause some people read one and others read the LJ....LJ not open to all so occassionally has more private thoughts...and no I dont necessarily mean bitchy thoughts in it.....
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Retail therapy, Jobs in Qld, and a Single Stripe....

2005-11-04T20:42:00.000+11:00

Today was a bit of a strange day...phoned Matt at work cause he was still ignoring my calls on his mobile....he hung up on me...I now officially feel like shit......messaged him with a threat that if he failed to deal with this like an adult I would childishly come to his workplace and create a scene....he replied to my message reassuring me that I would get my dvds back...he seems to think thats what I care about....and that seeing him would not help me unless I wanted to yell and he did not want to be yelled at.....I replied saying I could care less about my stupid dvds, had not wanted to yell at him till he hung up on me, and that he was being a coward and cut the crap out and talk to me....nothing......I feel like such a fucking idiot......went shopping with winne to feel better......bought more stuff I dont need but at least it is shiny.....seem to be going under the idea that after this week I will have no more money so I should enjoy having it now......kept enough for rent and bills so at least I not totally daft...with money anyway.....

Found a job I really want and surprisingly enough have exactly the right degree for and guess what its at home....in townsville...can you believe it...I will do my application this week...I will call them and beg for the job as I have never wanted o go home so much in my life.....screw this damn town and the bastards in it....well ok not everyone is eveil but I just miss my family and this is a good job...one I want...would enjoy and am qualified for.....its a sign.......

Finally got the courage to take another test and determine what was going on with my body....test came back negative....single stripe thankfully...I remain not pregnant...Hooray...although this does mean I am fat for no other reason than I am too lazy and eat way too much crap :(...hmmm Oh well.......at least when I fall down my ass prevents me from breaking any bones :)

Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Today...Bones....and New Socks

2005-11-03T23:22:00.000+11:00

Today was better I did no uni work but got all the errands I was supossed to do done...snaps for me I feel ;) Hung with B in the city whilst doing errands....fun was had....saw my boss...less fun but am hopeful things will improove on that front one day soon...either with me getting a different job or just maybe a new personality...either will do....did my banking, bought some stuff I probably should not have but what they.....bought Hex good show.....bought new bra which Bela was very upset I would not try on for him.....bought new socks x3 pairs.......umm of yeah and a pretty summer skirt...for this muggy weather.....wanted to buy second comming on dvd but nowhere was playing.....evil places new I should have bought it ages ago when I last saw it in stock....prob wont get it now till next year...Grrrr....thats such an awsome show.....not much else....Oh wait yeah went to uni printed report and handed it in, picked up my last piece of assessment and I got a D...(for those unsure thats very good)...hooray for me....also my master (assuming I get in) supervisor emailed me to tell me there is some stuff I might want to do in New Zealand next year and I should email the chicky at the uni there...so I did...now await response and further details......played sport tonght...netball...other team forfeited and thus we continue our unbeaten streak...7 weeks or something now....wow.....we played anyway against a mix and adhoc team...they beat us by three points but had fun anyway..was shooting really bad in this game....usually I not too bad...not great but dont usually suck soo much....played centre for a quater and that was fun...if my team were less competitive I be a bit more likely to play different areas and expand...but I feel bad when I feel like they loose cause of me.....nevermind...nextweek different game!

Watched Bones tonight...well the first two episodes..Simon gave them to me....WOW they really messed Tempe up....the only thing this chick has in common with the books character is her name....they turned her into a young kennedy want a be with red hair and a truely lame ex husband...oh yeah took about oooh 15years of her age, changed her background and life story, made her drink when she is supossed to have been an ex alcholic.....oh yeah and took her daughter away cause really this chick prob not old enough for a 18-20 year old daughter.......I was very surprised that kathy reich signed off on it....still it has david boreanaz in it *sigh* at least even if he cant act he is cute to look at.....have asked jimmy to keep getting the show for me cause despite all the crap...and there is alot it is not often that tele hs a show about an anthropologist...lets face it we dont get much limelight...maybe this will help....i suspect not...her character has gone from a well rounded easy to like brillent woman to a highly unlikeable and uninteresting girl........
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Pretty lights and flashing images...

2005-11-02T21:34:00.000+11:00

Started working on my forensci report at 6.30 this morning...finished it by 5.30pm I am feeling ill and sleepy and my brain working too hard all day to sleep now...strange feelings and crazy inability to comprehend making me an intersting hostess for tonights weekly telethon with mr Chris.....Oh well perhaps if a rest well tonight the fairy lights will cease thier obnoxious dancing and those damn flying keyboards will leave me alone...also being able to get I dream of jeanie out of my head would aid in return to normality...
cheers
Jinx

Nah na Nha nah Nah nah.....

The sandmen of centrelink...

2005-11-01T21:16:00.000+11:00

Recieved a letter late last week from centrelink requesting my details for study next year...called them today to discuss with them my future plans.....my future plans now involve having no money....centrelink will cut me off on friday this week as this is the last due date for my assessment...also no money for study next year as centrelink does not recognise masters as a legimate study option...no money for postgrad students...I was a little shocked by this sudden turn of events....even if I qualify for new start allowence I have to go through the application process which surprisingly could not get an appointment for till next week after they take my money away....even if i qualify they will penalise me for working casual at cafe which will mean I will earn less money than if I did not work!!!!! Plus will have to apply for 14 jobs per fortnight (does this seem some what excessive to you?) I feel slightly dazed and confused by this sudden change in my circumstances......also the man was on phone to was mean and cranky....not my fault he chose to work in this field.....conversation went something like this:

ME: Will being on new start as a jobseeker affect my ability to travel home to queensland for the holidays? Does this mean I can not go without risking being penalised for not jobseeking?
Centrelink Man: Dont try your emotional games with me missy......you cant blackmail me into paying you
ME: what? I want to know if I can still travel withou being cut off?
Centrelink Man: How do expect people to answer that question, really its no good trying your tears on me
ME: Is there someone else I can talk to?

After a long conversation with the strange man it was determined that I prob cant go home without penalisation or at least risking being penalised...and that after friday if I dont get a full time job I am screwed cause they will not leave me in peace withou searching for 14 jobs a fortnight....I said I did not want to look for work that I could have gotten without uni qualifications cause I did not just spent 4 years of my life and am in debt tens of thousands of dollars to get a job I could have got without it.......apparently they could care less how I feel on the situation......rang my mum and we decided I should get a full time job...doing anything to get away from stupid centrelink and just do that till something I want to do comes up in my field and also can continue masters part time to improove chances of work in my field......sound plan to me although sadness at not eing able to go home for holidays....much sadness...

So on that note I got dressed and took my butt into the city to put my resume into my favorite shoe store.....and hooray had an interview earlier this afternoon...willl find out tomorrow...hopefull it went well although I was a little unprepared since I only just decided I wanted a full time job this morning.....but heres hoping...plus working for them I get discount on shoes......HOORAY...would almost work there purely for that reason....

Am sitting at home watching rove with Gavin and Danica...Danica and me jsut got back from dinner with my friend Adrian (thanks for taking me to interview and buying me dinner Adrian YOU ROCK) at Zeferellies??? *laughs at spelling attempt* it was ok...got a doggy bag and now have lots of food in fridge for later.....still no word from M...guess he decided to ignore me forever...he sent me a message saying I was better off not knowing him and now I guess he trying to proove that.....feeling sad and angry...mostly sad.....trying to convince Danica to move with me instead of all those other people she suppossed to be moving with....not sure if I am winning...desperate methods may be required......Danica is great she said if i get this job we can work out some time share thingy with her car so I can actually get there....she is awsome...

Sometimes when I think about the people I met here I feel better cause I really am lucky, Winnie, Danica, Adrian, Bela, Gavin, James...all these people have been truely amazing to me since I got here and I hope one day I can be as goo a friend to them as they are to me....sometimes I wonder what it is they see in me that makes them all like me so much....prob best not to question it out loud inc ase they start to wonder too :)

Cheers
Jinx

"Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?"

Modern medicine...Hooray

2005-10-31T20:04:00.000+11:00

Have made the decision to go back onto medication.....will try to wait till I get to queensland and can see my original doctor but think it is the best option for me at this point...am tierd of feeling sad and paranoid....fear does not get easier as time goes by.....anyway I hope it will allow me some semblence of normal life without the constant state of controlled terror I live in...people are always saying to see a counsellor but seriously it does not help...counsellors always assume there is some sub conscious reason behind your issues...even if its the case its not the obvious ones cause i had counselling for them already...think my prob with cousellors is I have to many shit things in my past that would cause most people issues ;) So no more head doctors telling me crap I already know and never listening to me..back to the wonders of modern chemicals for relief! Hooray maybe will feel better soonish :)
Last week of uni then all done for the year...hooray...looking forward to earning money but more importently looking forward to spending said monies:)
Things in life still shit but am learning to cry quietly which I feel is good for me.....tears seem to make it a bit better...not sure why...but if it helps I am ok with it......sorry posts have been kinda sad lately but hopefully they be better soon as surely there is nothing else left to cause drama in my life *knock on wood* One thing I have learned over and over again is that it all passes, the hurt, the anger and even some of the fear (not all) it passes and feades into memory...becomes just another chapter in my story...which I will write one day..plan to start during holidays!
Still got pains in stomache and the wierd fever thingy happening but will make an appoint to see doctor on thursday when I get paid...have to wait till then cause he often expects payment for treatment which frankly I find odd......On a bright note failed completely today to get fired from my job..which is a good thing cause even if I dont like it there is the money thing (see above comments on money) Took the week off work to study so should prob get onto that...note the dillegence ;)
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

A whole lot of stuff.......

2005-10-27T23:32:00.000+10:00

Firstly to teh fairy if you reading....fair call and your right I should either seek both sides of the story or even better mind my own business.....all I can do plead over stress due to the crap in my life.....am feeling fairly defensive and depressed lately which makes me stupid.....am glad your cute little one thinks I am nice enough as I think she is wonderful....feel free to email me anytime James has details....promise to try not to be interfering cow in future..... :)

and now to other things:

M...hmm where do I start....the internet is a strange and wonderful thing....I was given an interesting blog to read....this is how I find out that he is a liar and full of crap....am very very sad and feeling like an idiot whose heart has been ripped a sunder once again.....A little while ago he came to me and told me he loved me...I believed him even though I should have known better given his previous actions over the last 8 months or so whike he's been f***ing me...but I gave him the benefit of the doubt...recently he told me he was having such a rough time...I spent maost nights this week awake worrying about him...turns out all he needed was more time to look for a better dating optino...like say someone at a speed dating event.... I feel like an idiot...I stressed out so much that I almost made myself sick with worry over someone who could care less about me......My situation gets worse as I wait for another couple of days so I can get tested to make sure Im not pregnant....just sick with somekinda stomache or hormone thing...heres hoping its a sickness.....cause really dont want to have face the alternative.....then again I think I would be an ok single mum.......

Uni is still hard, all my assessment is due this week and next...it just keeps comming and I dont know if I can take it anymore....I am tierd and sick...feverisj for 4 or 5 days but no time to see the doctor...especially as I have to see him next week anyways.......struggling just to keep it together at this stage....

Talk to Bela alot and that hurts cause I can still see the pain I caused him.......never wanted to hurt him which is why I said he should never have gotten involved with me...too late for those thoughts now huh......

My family is miles away and I miss them soo much...I was going home soon to see them but prob cant afford to just yet anymore so dont know when I will get the chance to be with them again...I miss my friends (I love you canberra people but still miss my other friends)....

My job sucks and my boss gets mad whenever I need time off for uni so now I just work and hope that I can study at night................well I guess thats about it really....this has turned into a dumping blog for all the crap I have been dealing with lately...I am so sick of being miserable and sad....going back on my meds is looking brighter by the minute.....still there are some some good things.....my sports team won at voleyball tonight and I played real well....... going to stonefest on the weekend which will be fun......

Thinking about moving back to queensland in a month or so...spoke to my mum and she thinks it would be a good idea...prob move to brisbane...it is closer to family, warmer, and I might be more stable there......will miss everyone here alot but am not sure I can stay here any longer....

Thats all for now
Jinx

sigh

2005-10-27T13:58:00.000+10:00

Just came from lunch with James and his friend where I think my cranky mood and not so sweet disposition made a bad impression.....*sigh*...Oh well guess that can happen sometimes...I made stupid comments on a situation I dont kow the whole story about and that was daft...but sometimes I just get so confussed by peoples actions and behaviours that it makes me kinda defensive and nervous which makes me say and do stupid things....Things kinda intense at the momment...M is having a real bad time and that makes me sad cause I cant help, frustrated cause he wont let me help, and cross cause I have tred gentle and cant be honest about stuff with him cause that would just put more stress on him...and as you can tell I prob not the best person for treading gently.....*sigh*...talking alot to B lately and that nice but again it worries me cause I dont want to cause him more hurt than have already.....*sigh*.....Winnie got a trial at my work today and not sure how I feel about it...(sorry win)...hope it goes well cause she needs the boost and the money would be good...I just dont know if I want to work with people I love in a place I hate...its not a fun job and I dont want the stress of it to mess with my friendship...*sigh*....am very sad today and no real reason just that things getting a little too much for me lately.....am thinking about going back on my medication...My mum thinks maybe I should if it will help...*sigh*....I miss my parents and looking forward to seeing them at some point this year.......Polly rang me last night and that was nice, christopher visited and mr flynn rang too so that was also good....awful warful lost a leg but will recover.....I have to go to class.
Jinx

I cant cope with this much longer

2005-10-24T23:07:00.000+10:00

Please oh please this computer is driving to extreme measures......for some reason all the stuff in my life that should be causing the most worry and stress just is not comparing to the computer thing..perhaps it was just the final straw.....
Hoping this works and that the repeated blogs have finally dissapeared from my blog page....its the republishing that is a problem....so it doubles them then wont delete them cause after I edit them and try to delete them the site wont republish......very very frustrated...funny how I am focused in on this .... maybe just cant deal with other stuff..it too big so this is something i can cry and scream about

Jinx

NOOOOOOOOOOOO Bastard Computer

2005-10-24T23:04:00.000+10:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH repeating blog posts not cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stupid computer crap...

2005-10-24T22:57:00.000+10:00

tried to delete one of teh previous posts that has been repeated after editing....and it will not delete...am getting very very frustrated with this thing cause it just will not remove the deleted post from the blog........screaming at the screen and threatening to chuck stupid machine out window does not seem to be making any difference to the computer's state of mind...I will win this battle with the techno crap..I will...I will not be beaten by a machine!!!!! I refuse to back down..the post will be removed from my blog one way or another.....either it goes or so help me I just delete whole bloody blog and start again elsewhere!!!!

Am studying/procrastinating at my house with Adrian...he is supposed to be studying but instead is making me search internet for wrestling stuff and playing with my phone...I suspect less work being done than could be if we were studying at uni....nevermind...

Bye

Only 3200 to go.....

2005-10-23T16:32:00.000+10:00

Am sitting at home working on one of the pieces of assesment due this week I have written 1300 words and have said pretty much everything I have to say on the subject and I still have 3200 words to go......not sure if I will get these things done in time...I also have a forensic report from the exhumation I did a couple of weeks ago...both are due on friday...I am in big trouble....

Watching farscape season one whilst I work and thinking how cool the puppets are.....have to work tomorrow really early...like 7.30 and wont finish till after 4...long day for me...then better come home and keep working on silly uni stuff...been invited out to dinner monday night and really want to go cause I have not hung out with my friend Adrian in ages and he and Alana have a new house mate who is irish and I love the irish accent so want to meet him and drool over the sound of his voice....figure if he not drool material to look at will just close my eyes :)

D is being a legend and giving me a ride to work in the morning so I can have extra sleeps and not have to get up a 5.30 in order to be on the 6.30 bus...instead I can just crawl out of bed at 6.45 and dress to leave at 7.10 Hooray Hooray cause brain does not need to function if I am getting a lift!

Last two nights have been trying the solo thing as my housemate G is still visiting Miss Em..the solo thing is hard for me cause of my phobias and anxiety stuff..am pleased with myself for doing two nights in a row...although Bela has been a big help by staying on the phone to me until very late or rather very early in the mornings...talking to me to take my mind of the crap that runs through it all the time...am really tierd today and betting B prob feeling the same after two nights of 3am phone calls...but I survived and even managed to aleep a little eventually.....had to barricade my door a bit but hey what the hell its a way of coping....if i went back on my medication it would prob be better and I would be better..but if i go back on it I am committing myself to a long term medicated state...not sure I want to do that again...will have to see if I can continue without them...I ahve been off them for a while now.....have some calming stuff that I take when its real bad but it makes me kinda hazy and not good so I dont take it usually....

Been spending lot of time online lately but my blog been playing up so will have to wait and see if it actually works this time...this is my thrid attempt to blog today!

Must go back to work....or at least pretending to work.....

In name and nature always:
Jinx
xxx

Farscape, procrastination and a return to the working drudge

2005-10-23T13:44:00.000+10:00

Am sitting at home procrastinating from the enormous amount of uni work I have due this week...trying hard to write 4500 words on repatriation as well as a forensic crime report including skeletal and evidence analysis both of which are due on friday and worth the majority of my grades for the semester.......have writters block and still only written around 500 words!!! I think I am in big trouble.......

Watching season 1 of farscape which I borrowed from the video store thanks to D's video card.....hoping to get more work done soon as I need to sleep early tonight cause my boss rang and i go back to work tomorrow at 7.30 in the bloody morning...honestly there is nothing i feel less like doing at 7.30 in the morning than serving a bunch of uptight yuppies thier morning coffee fix.....still pays the bills...occassionally anyway....

Housemate still away so I have been trying the solo thing the last couple of nights..its hard when you have bad phobias and anxiety issues but I working with it...Bela been very helpful staying up late to talk on the phone to me till I too tierd to stay awake and fall asleep...feeling pretty sleepy today after two days straight of very late nights...imagine poor B is also feeling tierd and eager for my housemate to return...B offered to come stay with me but I feel that would be a bad idea given recent events....(see the will power and strength) Anyway guess I better get back to pretending to work...prob ring my occassional housemate/landlord later and check on his return status.... Wish my work was going better but honestly cant be stuffed with it and have nothing to write!!! GRRRR feeling very frustrated with uni right now.....

Oh yeah found a new juice...its good apple, carrot, orange and lemon...very yummy...like it alot..wish I had a juicer to make fresh stuff everyday......

In Name and Nature always:
Jinx
xxx

Frustration with otherleg .....

2005-10-23T01:39:00.000+10:00

Cant make my stupid blog link to daves blog....grrr ths means have to acces his page via my favorites list instead of being able to check it whenever I am blogging like all the other peoples... My computer is messed up it just started writting in italics and I dont know why????? I must have pressed something and now I can not work out why it is doing this and how to stop it...AGGHHHHH I think I should take a computer course..and also according to james I need to go back to school and learn to spell...I say screw you and the horse you rode in on...I like my lazy way of typing...yes I spell badly but somehow I feel I will survive this.....although if the italics keep up I am not sure I will ever blog again....
cheers
Jinx

Study hee hee hee

2005-10-21T23:45:00.000+10:00

Ok well study went well...I tried...I really did for like an hour...minus the time it took to check my emails, write a blog, send some emails and read others blogs..so I tried to study for about a whole 10 mins before getting bored and going to DnD game which for this evenings pleasure was held at D's place...it was fun..much fun...B is a great DM....Winnie decided not to join us...not sure what happened cause I thought she was comming but will call her tomorrow and make sure she ok...am home now and Gavin still away..am watching some kind of stupid movie...called super troopers or some such..it is dumb..very dumb..but as there appears to be only one other choice and that is amovie starring steven segal I think this one is a winner....although not by much and I would not have to argue that point....anyway thats all for now....
Jinx

A new hair do and life continues......

2005-10-21T18:17:00.000+10:00

Today I went to the hair dressers, this is such a rare event I figure it warrents blogging over...hair looks all shiny and new...shame it will not last...even decided to try making an effort with it from now on and bought some sort of strange appliance/magic wand thingy that I am supposed to use...wonder how long it will take for this one to be shoved in the bottom of a draw for the rest of eternity.....I guess a week....but feel perhaps am being optimistic about my ability with hair......had coffee this afternoon with bela and a good chat last night on the phone after a slightly akward evening...things on this front still sadly all f****d up (sorry bout the language)..he is in deep with me and i feel like crap cause i hurt him all the time....he suggested some space for a while to chill things and aid in adjustment to new status of just friends...i think this a fine plan and hope it works well...but am sad cause i miss his company alot...i used to always ring him late and we would chat about crap till the early hours of the morning, really miss hanging with him....*sigh*...the heart is never easy or fair......things with matt wierd and just as crappy....he bailed on seeing me the other night to talk cause he had stuff..fair enough but not really surprising....called me today just to say hi and see how i doing...think he is pushing for brownie points with phone calls.....also feeling kinda uneasy about whole thing with him cause he turns up tells me he loves me...messing with my head...ok well and good but his past actions just dont mesh with his words......confussed and hurt but feeling like life will continue...

Hoping bela and me can be at the very very least remain great friends for a long time..he is very special....hoping matt and me can remain friends but feeling sad about the up down crap with that.....have decided to put in for a placement in a third world country next year..maybe cambodia or somewhere in south east asia...the young australian ambassador thingy.....closes in march next year and i intend to apply....some time away doing the work i love and helping people who really need it will give me some much needed perspective on the world and my place in it...plus a break from relationships may ease my continuous heartbreak..although leaving the people here especially winnie and bela will be hard...hmmm all things are hard as this year has come to demonstrate....

Was supposed to game tonight in my regular friday game with winnie, james, danica, mark, and ofcourse mr B....was really looking forward to it and had to spend considerable time bullying bela into having it this week due to our stuff...finnally he agrees and dont you know it i cant bloody go..should be doing assignment stuff now..wanting to go and game instead but then again i guess the space thing should start sooner rather than later..but wishing i was there anyway.....still uni work has proven over the last few weeks that it just will not do itself..bastard thing........anyways thats my blog for today..

"In Name and Nature Always"
Jinx
xxx

What have I done?????

2005-10-20T00:49:00.000+10:00

I cant believe myself sometimes...what the hell have I done..I have detroyed my chance with someone who really cares for me and who I really care for....I have risked ruining a friendship and caused intense hurt to myself and to B for what???? Because I am an idiot who thinks that Im not worthy of good things........I dont know if I can ever forgive myself...B is definetly better off without me...and M, well he will be fine without me...always is....I think his feelings are less on the love as he would have me believe and more about retaining a convienent body, I wonder sometimes how it is some people can learn to lie so well......I wish that this week had never happened.

.....sigh.......

2005-10-19T23:39:00.000+10:00

This has been a difficult week, I have caused much pain to someone very dear to me and causing that pain has in turn hurt me a great deal...everyone has an opinion on it and no problem telling me it, they think they have some clue as to how my head and heart and body are feeling but really they just have thier own preconcieved ideas devloped through thier own life experiences and past pains....but its ok I expect people to be harsh about it...I am...all of the critisims are well deserved...I messed up, I made a mistake by not listening to my instincts...I should never have allowed my feelings to cloud my judgement and because I did my friend and someone I care for deeply is in pain and I feel even worse than I did before.

Winnie has been great she has been here at my house hidding with me for the, I have barely left the house...christ I have barely gotten out of my pjs this week...plus its not been very condusive to my studies...have so much work to do and too sad to do any.....just want to go hide for the next couple of months....oh and my holiday..the one and only thing keeping me sane for the last few weeks...prob have to be delayed or cancelled due to the fact that its just too damn expensive....*sigh*.....I wish I had some kind of magic wand that could make things better....wish I could just forget the issues that have led me here and try to be happy..but part of the problem is that if I did that I would be be lying to myself as well as others and I cant do that..not even to spare myself some difficult times and painful choices.....

Not sure whats wrong with the people around me.....think they may have issues with reality...I am not that great...really...read my blog you soon realize how messed I am...plus cant spell to save myself....I am a frumpy, cranky, overweight ex army, fulltime student with severe emotional problems and regular bouts of depression, paranoia, and anxiety complexes.....what is the appeal in that...you would think my problem would be finding someone who cared and wanted to share their life with me..not the other way around where there are too many people wanting that......am very confussed and sad and feel bad about the world...crying alot lately and just feeling pretty shit....sorry for the boring blog but hey deal with it.....also people think that recently discovering that my ex lover does give a shit has been what brought this trouble on...but thats not it...it was just the catalyst that forced me to act upon fears and doubts I had been dealing with for a while....anyway going to go back to infomercials..they are my friend...and much happiness would be had if I only had a large credit card free of debt!
jinx
: in name and nature.

What does the universe have against me???

2005-10-16T15:02:00.000+10:00

Today a bad day..am back at my place, winnie staying with me to keep me sane..Gavin away again visting miss Em..things bad, its really an issue of timing....life gone and dumped another heap of crap my way...always just when i think things get bettter the universe discovers new ways of messing with my head...am so confused right now no idea what the hell i should do or how i can get out of this mess without hurting myself and those around me......*sigh* and double *sigh*......my head is very messed up i just want to scream................................................................ Also or those i know in person who read this..dont ask i dont want to talk about it just vent on my blog in an obscure way so that no one knows what i am talking about.....really dont ask me cause i wont answer and it will piss me off.
hope my next blog is of brighter things....thanks for listening interweb peoples.
cheers
jinx
*sigh*

The Daily Grind

2005-10-15T18:21:00.000+10:00

Ohla my pretties hope this finds you well....things slowly returning to normal in the life of jinx....car still dead and my neck and head still hurt but doctor says no perminent damage just stiffness, gave me some physio exercisers to help...have missed three days of work and prob will miss most of this week to make sure it all better and rosey before doing anything else to it..instead will spend this week working on uni stuff whih despite much ignoring from me has yet to go away...*sigh*...all else is going ok...insurence will leave me broke and in debt but not as badly as I could have been.....stupid ACT wont give neck my rego money even though I had not even started using it yet...they take huge admin fees...admin fees??? for what??? they did not bloody do anything my car got totalled before the rego kicked in!!!! Still I fight with insurence over excess and hopefully will win and thus negate the loss of rego money......other things go well...spending lot of time with Bela and that makes me happy...except when I cranky with him but I did warn him to expect that so be it on his head! Winnie not going to melbourne which make me glad and it took all my self control not to victory dance about it even though Catherine was really great I still glad Winnie not leaving me....Really looking forward to my queensland holiday cant wait to see my family and friends...allthough there will be some who I may neglect to mention my return too! Beach beach and more beach is my general itinery and ofcourse this will be intersperced with sprinkles of fun and maybe a dash of relaxation.....*sigh* I cant wait!
Uni going slow but only a few more weeks then I finish....better get cracking on it....will blog again soonish...maybe...probably....possibly....hmmmm.
cheers
jinx
xxx

Fare thee well magna....

2005-10-13T13:20:00.000+10:00

Verdicts in my car is a total write off....gone dead and never coming back....*sigh* have spent the last two days dealing with the dramas of insurense and rego and trying desperately not to end up completely screwed...apparently insurense only covers you when your at fault..so the guy who wrecked my car only has to pay the same as me a 500 dollar excess...despite the fact that it was his fault not mine...grrrrr....hurrump....am very upset...plus neck is very very painful cant move it and have lost three days at work....plus canberra connect is keeping around 60 dollars of the rego i paid the day before the accident and NRMA is keeping around 30 so I am down about 100 from that..........ARRRRGGGHHHHH People have been saying how wonderfully composed i am about the whole situation and I think thats partly cause of the head injury, partly cause of bela, and partly cause i just cant believe it.

Smash Crash Bang and thus ends the car adventures....

2005-10-11T12:24:00.000+10:00

I know most of you have been hasseling me to update on my life but you will have to wait.....this is only about my adventures today.....as I was traveling to uni and work this morning I was involved in a 4 car accident....the guy in front of me slammed his brakes on suddenly and I hit him lightly...then the guy behind me slammed into me and threw me forward back into the guy in front who in turn rammed the lady in front of him...4 cars with mine in middle...it is bad my car copped a beating from both front and rear....I was pretty shaken, shock and ip lash and nasty bump on my head....rescue guys said that I was really lucky I had my seatbelt on or I prob would have gone threw windscreen thats how hard I was hit...I got thrown around the car pretty badly...lucky my mum had recently put full comp insurence on the car for me....thank you muma...anyway took the car to NRMA smash repair guy and now await the verdict...Winn's mum came and got me from the scene and now I at her place...not going to uni or work today and maybe not tomorrow depending on whether I am still seeing spots by then.......Am still to shaken to really comment on how I feel or any of the other things happening in my life...lost another aunty recently, Win is no longer moving to melebourne and is comming on holiday with me, transfered all my licence stuff yesturday!!!!, paid rego and what not too!!!! plus personal life gone through upheaval although that seems to be a good thing...more on this and other life crap later...for now I am going to curl up on couch and try not to think about my poor little car.
xxx
Jinx

Shiny......

2005-09-29T12:40:00.000+10:00

Last night we went to see the midnight screening of serenity and it was even better than I thought it was going to be...the movie was shiny, spectacular and great and awsome, and fantastic and all these things and more.......I can not...words can not it was sooo good everyone must go see it as soon as they are able...go see it go see it now!!!!!!!!
The midnight screening was fun also cause it was a whole cinema full of nerds laughing and cheering and stuff...it was kinda cool but also reminicent of revenge of the nerds in a weird way......I think had anyone heckeled they would have been lynched.......

Am taking my car into a mechanic who specialises in old cars today to see if they can help for less than the 1500 dollars the other mechanic people want for repairs......I suspect I am going to have to accept that the car is bunk and will need to be retierd to the wreckers next month.....*sigh*

Finally got in touch with M, been trying for over a week, he once again had dissapeared of the face of the planet.....He had a bad time with his ex and was hidding from the world...he feeling a bit better but still kinda messed up.......situation with me and him still incredibly depressing and miserable *sigh* it sucks that I am always falling for men who are messed up and just dont feel the same way for me......I care about him so much but I just dont know anymore if I can do this....if I can stand doing this to myself again......my friends get mad at hims but its not really his fault...well not all of it...as far as I know not being madly in love with me is still not a capital offence...although personally I feel it should at least warrant a misdemenour.......*sigh* hope things get better for him soon......and for me.....holiday will help holiday will help....this is my mantra.

cheers
jinx
xxx

University procrastination and reruns of charmed....

2005-09-23T00:14:00.000+10:00

Am feeling really up tight tonight as I procrastinate on my university assignment by watching the first season of charmed...(forgot how bad the show was when it started..still amusement value is high) I got tickets to serenity next week and was really excited about it until I realized that people in this town cant seem to manage to stay out after midnight during a week day...first matt says he cant come cause its at midnight and he has to work the next day...everyone who is going including myself has to work the following morning..in fact I have to be up at 6.30 and am still going...then my girlfriend Win says she wont go cause its too late...I already have tickets and have paid for them..it's very frustrating to find that people wont even come out when its a paid ticket!!!!!! Thankfully D came to the rescue by saying she would come with me....next time there is something fun happening in this place I will remember to ensure it is before bed time for you slack southerners :P

Any who not much else..am really excited about serenity and hope it will be good, charmed re runs are going strong and still have mass amounts of work to do...this diagnosis is taking ages and is driving me nuts...have decided I loath my lecturer for this assignment.....

Coastal trip is shaping up well I put my travel bag on layby today and am starting to make decisions about what is going into storage and what is not, whats to go and whats to be chucked, I am really looking forward to it..its going to be a coastal adventure to ease my heart...i am hoping that a few weeks of sand, sun, and drinks at sunset, living a single and carefree holiday lifestyle will aid in helping me over this crappy heart ache and break that I know is going to hurt like hell but am confident that forced fun at extreme levels will assist in the healing process!

Should prob sleep as this uni work still requires attention and so I must get up early and work hard.... ;) yeah right...well i'll try anyway.
Night all..even you slackers that cant party after cinderella's hour has passed :P

Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Pirates....life and serenity..

2005-09-20T17:09:00.000+10:00

Decided I should make a seconf blog today so that those of you who care will not feel to dispondent by my heart break...things in life continue despite the heart ache....on the weekend I went to a pirate ball and had a fantastic time..I dressed as a pirate wench (costume provided by Winnie's closet - thanks babexx) and I have to say I think I make a damn fine wench..I have finally found the reason for my breasts..they are for dressing as a pirate wench..if only society would allow me to wear this costume everywhere I doubt I would ever take it off! I still however suck at dancing unless guided by a strong partner..thankfully there were a few of those in attendence, I will be taking lessons before mext months gala pride and prejudice affair. I had much fun with miss D and despite the bad food catastrophy and the pubity boys drool squad who invited me home the even was a success.

Working still for my unusual boss and as yet have not thrown anything at him.....I remain cautious as to whether this will continue...;)

Took car to mr mechanic who says she is dying...will need to put out of misery next month..so that was a short adventure..however I will remain mobile till she is retired on the 19th Oct, am thinking I may hold somekind of ceremony..possbily involving a final dinner and balloons....thoughts on this?????

Spoke to Dave today he is getting tickets for the midnight showing of serenity on wed next week..I am very excited..so excited I got him to get two tickets....hmmm who to ask??? who to ask???? ...hmmm difficult choice.......I am open to bribery :)

Well thats about it uni is still there ( I know cause I checked) assignments late as always..still not long now and then once this year is done big beach party coastal trip adventure will begin.....still working on the name of this crazy trip but you get the idea..much sun, much sand, much fun....too much fun some may say and I may regret in the post trip days..but adventure will be had and heart will be mended.

Cheers and with love always
Jinx

Strange times and troubled thoughts..

2005-09-20T16:54:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone sorry its been a while things have been...difficult, I guess that could discribe it. My life seems to constantly feel like a roller coaster, this situation is no ones fault other than mine and I walked into with eyes wide open, I have done the same thing here as I did with Jay..the same stupidity that led me to leave my home and try to start again in a new place...shall I keep doing this over and over..will I now have to run again because I always find myself falling for the ones to whom I will never be more than a temporary relief whilst they wait till they find the person they really want to be with. I am tierd of always feeling like I'm second best, the one others settle for....no one should feel that way, no one should settle for being the fill in and yet I do all the time, I choose men that wont love me, men that cant love me, I choose men who are already broken, men who without wanting to will break my heart over and over again. If I could understand why I do this to myself, Lol my friend was telling me about how he is aware of his issues do do with love and trust and even aware he can not prevent himself from reacting to them..this blog is for you....I guess everyone has their own unique set of issues that awareness does not a damn thing for. I am hopeful that one day my heart will make a wise choice as to where it wants to be... a choice that wont end up with me running all over again. So cheers my friends and raise your glasses to a toast for new beginnings (again!!!) and new choices.
xxx
Jinx (well an truely deserving of the name)

Is there no decency left?

2005-09-06T09:59:00.000+10:00

Can you believe some jerk spamed my blog with info about some stupid auto club in San Fransico on the same blog entry where I write about Bron's death...I am so disgusted by this do people have no decency left...thanks for your comments polly they were great...I posted a comment on the ceiling fan site of our spam blogger to ask them not to do that again..I just can not believe someone would do that, sure it was prob automatic and they did not even read the post they commented on but even so it is crass and unkind and even without the recent tragedy it would have been rude. Anyway am feeling pretty crap still I cant go to the funeral which is on friday and am now just trying hard to hanf on till the end of the year when I can go home, also think I have lost my job cause my boss has not called me.....he is mad cause i have been sick for two weeks and not able to go ro work...screw it and screw him I just dont need this crap...other stuff also now an issue in my life that causes much grief but i cant blog about it yet cause people who read my blog will be upset....it is frustrating. I should go now am too depressed to keep writing.

......

2005-09-05T12:45:00.000+10:00

Recieved news last night from home one of our dearest family friends..I think I have blogged about her before..Bron...passed away yesturday afternoon from terminal cancer. My whole life she has been there past of my life and my families lives and no she is gone...and I did not go to visit in the mid year like I had planned and now I will not get the chance to see her again. Things are bad really bad right now and the people I most want to be with are too far away to be with, I am going home in two months time and I am just not sure anymore whether I even really want to come back here....I just..I dont even know how to write about this.

Road Trip Apathy, the chaos of Life and the Greatness that is Emma!

2005-09-04T12:07:00.000+10:00

This blog is a special blog of thankyou to Miss Emma for being so great as to give me her car when she got a new one! I am mobile again after nearly a year without a vehicle and it is fantastic...went on the road trip from hell on saturday with winnie and james to pick the car up and drive it back to Canberra...Hmmm perhaps I should start at the beginning!

Original plan was to get a lift with Christopher on Friday afternoon and drive back friday night but it was mutually decided by those around me that this was a crazy plan of maddness and death as there would be no one to help if it broke down and the forcast was for storms! Common sense after a difficult battle finnaly beat fly by seat of pants plan into submission and it was decided to go in james car on saturday morning so he could follow me back...it was also decided I should drive part way there to get used to driving again this meant james navigated....Big Mistake....we got lost and lost again and then lost some more while I tried hard not to panic about sydney traffic (even on outskirts this is scary for me) Evenetuallly we made our destination after much detouring and laughter had ensued.
On the trip back I took the wrong turn off and we ended up eating dinner in Gouldburn at a truck stop with the most apathetic waitress I have ever encountered...being a waitress myself for many years I can empathise with apathy, but this truely was the most extreme case I have come across...it took me a while torealise she was actually alive and not an automated service...I am unsure if written words can do justice to this experience but trust me it was something special....speaking of special after comming home safe delaing with the horror of mounting debt in the form of a new phone bill awaiting my return I left to drop Winnie home it was around 11 and I had been on the road since about 11 that morning. I made a pretty special mistake..two whopping great big ones right in front of a police car!
I was turning at the lights and followed the dotted line around the bend and straight into the oncoming traffic's turning lane....quickly realizing my perfectly understandable mistake I turned the car and drove across the middle nature strip onto the correct side of teh road, then noticed police lights and thought better stop quick here is a driveway I'll just pull in and wait.....failing to see the no entery BUS exit ramp sign carefully concealed in plain sight just to my left! Then just to make my horror complete a bus came wanting to exit the interchange!
The police were very nice and gave me a cautionary letter with the advice to read road rules for ACT book...I think they felt sorry for the 'special' queenslander with drivers anxiety.
Dropped Winie home and thought my night would end there but not for this duck..went to civic to pick up a friend and visit a horse and then a couple of hourse later at the lovely time of 2ish was brushing my teeth at home when I noticed water at my feet collecting in pool...the bathroom has now apparently joined the other areas of my chaotic evil house in its attempt to drive me crazy...and of course this can not possibly be my fault but as it happened while I was the one brushing my teeth am certain G will find a way to cast blame on me for it..as with the Video player, remote control, dryer, and anything else that has died since I moved into the house!
Any how better go am annoying Jimmy while he tries to work....hope everyone having fun on various holiday adventures!
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

This is a post for Adrian

2005-08-29T17:04:00.000+10:00

Adrian Adrian Adrian there you go you are now blogged about so quit your bloody whinging!

Absent friends

2005-08-22T12:41:00.000+10:00

I just recieved a phone call from someone I have not seen in years..we were really great friends a group of four of us, Troy, Jeff, Krissy and me, they were always there when things got bad for me...Troy rang me to let me know that our friend Jeff has killed himself. None of us had seen him in years and to be truthful I had barely given him a thought since the last time I saw him about 4 years ago....I barely recognised him, he was in a bad way and a changed guy....but thats not the way I will remember him....I remember Jeff as one of the best people I have ever known...I remember him riding to visit me in west end on his push bike and cause I was sad he doubled me into the city and we rode at top speed down the hill in the middle of the night just to make me laugh....I remember Jeff as one we turned to when we were in trouble, the one who was always there ready with a smile and a smoke to make all your problems a little easier cause you had someone to share them with. He would always help no matter how much we might have annoyed him or upset him..cause he loved us and we loved him...the world has become a little sadder without him...but maybe it has become a little better for him wherever he has gone.

Flying Pigs and Venereal Diseases

2005-08-19T23:37:00.000+10:00

Only in my life can something so strange come out of a seemingly normal event....I had a meeting with my supervisor about potential projects for my thesis next year (this is assuming I make the grade and am not thrown from the masters program - ARGH I am feeling teh pressure already) and we discussed several fields of interest...it has been narrowed down to 2 strong contenders...the first is a study on the identification of calibre and type of bullets from skeletal analysis...sounds cool huh....yep I thought so too until I pointed out that we did not have any people handy that I could shoot full of holes with a variety of different weapons....my supervisor was not to be deterred by mere details...he said "we will buy you some pigs" - WTF??? "You want me to shoot pigs? I ask in disbelief....You want me to shoot pigs, watch them rot then write about it?????? - dont worry he says we will buy pigs that are already dead!!!! I am unsure as to how to respond to this..........part of me is severly grossed out by this concept and part of me is thinking cool....except I suspect this would make a fairly bad line when meeting people and they ask about my masters??? Still it has to be a better pick up line than the alternative project we discussed.....
You know how some diseases have adaptive advantages when they appear in the heterozygote form..like sickle cell in malaria prone populations - well after a discussion I had with him in which I raised the question of whether a particualr disease in the medevial ages could have had an adaptive advantage he got excited as no one has as yet looked at this..."this" he says would make a great project..."Yeah" I reply "I could call my masters
"The Advantages of Venereal Syphilis" - Try picking up a date with that one!

So should a miracle occur and I actually make the grade for next year I can look forward to either telling people that I shoot pigs and then study the resulting effects, or that I am writting a paper on the benefits of syphilis...I guess it will be a lonely year for me!
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Sadness...and then some.

2005-08-04T01:01:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone this is just a blog of sadness...a dear family friend who has been in my life since before I was born is dying, we have known for a while that she and her husband another very dear family friend both have terminal cancer, but recently we learned that it has spread further and is now in her brain, she has gotten a lot sicker and it may be nearing the end....I guess we should feel blessed she has outlived her prognosis as has her husband, they are both living on borrowed time and at some point that will stop...I just feel so sad...I cry alot lately about it...it makes me scared too, cause it highlights how temporary living really is...I dont really know how to deal with this....maybe crying is about all I can do.

Things here are pretty shitty aswell...thought I knew where I stood with the friend I'd been sleeping with...I thought we were friends for a start but he starting being a bit of a jerk, then being sorry, then being a jerk, then being sorry, you can all see the pattern here...anyway something must have happened cause I said enough or else....well lack of response on his part indicates that he is fine with the or else part of that...called him to try get his things back to him and he said no response did not mean no caring or that he wanted end..then says cant get into this right now...I just hung up...no further word....sent message saying ok are we friends??? No word. Guess I dont warrent a reply. Its stupid that it hurts cause everyone saw it coming even me...but I guess when your ego takes a hit it hurts.....I am very sad by it cause I thought I saw something special in him..something I could relate too, I thought we would be good friends cause we understood each other....sadly I guess was wrong.
Lol at least i'm keeping form for those amongst you feel my taste in men could use some serious repair.....however I ask that you keep your I told you so's to yourself.....I dont want to hear it...there is nothing so spiteful as the self rightous I was right speach.

just needed to get that off my chest....okay on to other stuff now

Got a new phone thats fun it takes pictures and everything....Ooooh I hear you say...yes Ooooh indeed..it is possible the coolest phone I have ever seen...definetly the coolest thing I have owned in a while.....although I did get some extremely funky pressies from our returning heros from china...a very very beautiful scarf..almost too pretty to wear..almost! and a very funky heaty thingy that you press a button in and gel heats up to make a heat pack...then when you done you boil it and it returns to gel....very handy for sporting nights!!!
What else..read the new potter...hmmmmm well not sure if I should comment on that!
Oh remember when my camera go broken and then I sent it off to be magically made better by the camera wizards interstate?? Well got a package from them today....it was toast even thier impressive array of repair skills were insufficient to mend my poor little camera..so they sent me another one...different model..newer model..swanky...very very swanky...except I have no idea how to use it and it is a lot smaller than my other one was, lighter too so I feel like i'm going to break it even when I'm just holding it in my hands.
Leg feeling a bit better..stings when I walk on it too long....supposed to work friday...hmm hope it is ok and not too painful....have to see the doctor again tommorow so he can check it and give me all clear (hopefully) to go back to work....also got to ask what this whole BMI stuff is about cause frankly I think its stupidest thing I have ever heard of..and nutrition australia can quote me on that.....doubtful they would want to given its endorsed by them!

Anyway I'm going to bed now should try to sleep a bit so I can be up early.....times like these I need broadband and large sums of money so I can play games all night instead of sleeping and encountering either scary, sad, or just plain wierd dreams!
Oh yeah also have decided to start writting again....wont finish the book cause now the flow is gone and the first 3 quaters is nothing like what I try to write now..but not going to let that stop me writting all together...will just have to start something new....anyway now set aside one night a week where I dont study, or watch tele or visit with friends...its my creative time...it will be good to be writting again and usually it helps with my real life too..makes me a little ..hmm I dont know those of you who write or create in some way will know what I mean....goodnight everyone..thanks for the vent.
Jinx
xxx

Great minds....

2005-08-04T00:54:00.000+10:00

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."

You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.

Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Hmmm....

2005-07-29T10:13:00.000+10:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

OWWWW the pain :P

2005-07-29T09:58:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone just a brief note on the spectacular victory of the sports legends last night...2 nill good effort guys! Unfortunetly I can claim no credit due being wiped out in the first quater thanks to a very powerful kick to the bloody shin....you guys should see the lump on it today...as you can tell I can not work today...my boss less than impressed...but I can not walk therefor can not waitress...am sitting at the computer with my leg up on the desk killing time till my friend gets here to take me to the doctor man for examination...I am sure its not broken and doubt I'll need an x ray but prob need it strapped or splinted since I can take no weight on it....alas this does not bode well for my pub trip this evening!

Got other news today..my cousin is visiting Canberra this weekend so I'll get to catch up with him on sunday! Hooray have not seen him for a very long time....really looking forward to it...want to hear all the adventures he's been having whilst living in Washington DC.

Am doing a bit better at handling the other stuff that going on...the more distractions the better and now my leg hurts enough to distract me from everything...except the internet!

gotta go do some actual study related stuff now
cheers
jinx
xxx

The coffee nightmare continues!

2005-07-27T19:32:00.000+10:00

Wow I just really suck at making coffee using a fancy coffee machine of death....made a cappacino today...no foam....could not get the stupid milk to foam..also burnt the milk..dont ask me how I have no bloody idea....I just cant do it....have to learn fast cause it will piss my boss of to no end if I cant make coffee in a coffee shop!...on a brighter note think my boss really likes me always saying thankyou and excellent work etc plus his girlfriend like me heaps..she and I hit it off straight away...hope they dont split...hmmm....Like my job, its hard work and I always feel tierd at the end of the day but it is good to be busy again.....combined with uni it makes me very busy....loads of other stuff happening but dont know if I want to blog about it yet...some of it just boring stuff about ending psuedo relationships...feeling unloved and pretty sodding unappreciated, feeling sadness over lost loves and distant friends etc etc and some of it is more serious...really serious and really sad but I ...I just dont want to write about it yet maybe not at all...I'll wait and see maybe writting about it will help..maybe not.

Please note following subject change...subtle huh?

Uni going well although I missed my classes yesturday to do my boss a favour and work for him..told him it was a one off and I wont skip classes again...this was just cause everyone else that has a brain was away....new people needed training (I know I told him I had only been there a week) apparently someone who knew what to do (again i said "what the?" to him...) had to be there....This job is turning out to be an interesting experience.

Ooh bought a CD today..the triple J vol 12....Im listening to it now....its got a song I love...used to hate it but its stuck in my head and wont get out and now I like it..its by the streets and is called fit but you know it...its a totally stupid song but I cant get it out of my head and now I know all the bloody words and often find myself humming it or singing it during the day!!!!!!Dont you hate that?

Had wierd dream about my best friend (also ex) last night that woke me up several times during the night..was tierd today cause of it..it was strange we..me, him and his new girlfriend, were all together somewhere...it's hazy now but at the time it all felt so real....unsettling cause it makes me miss him and his stupid jokes...

Have a big road trip planned for the end of the year with some new friends..about 4 weeks driving from here through NSW and QLD visting a bunch of pretty places and some friends too..should be a grand adventure..plus get to go home and see mum and dad and the puppy and my friends...hooray homesickness big time lately....Am really looking forward to it..a chance to try and think about what i'll do next year..whether i'll come back here or go home, or go elsewhere...who knows...not me anyway!

I'm out of here for now going to watch tele at 8.30 so need to get some work done first... thanks for listening to the ramble and i'll keep you posted.

cheers
Jinx
xxx

For those that asked....

2005-07-26T16:39:00.000+10:00

Ok it went something like this.....the only assesment I had had returned were fails, then the marks came out and I did not not the code (yes I am an diot..this is not in question) so instead of asking for an explanation of the code I assumed it meant fail.....much sadness and misery followed until I discovered it meant incomplete assesment!!! Saw my lecturer completed silly assesment and then got the rest of it marked....did very well on all bar two things..avaeraged out to a credit..Hooray for me (I am clever it seems)...So that my friends is how it goes from "do not think I can recover from this" to "Hooray I am clever" and No you can not have any...this cleverness is all mine ha ha ha ha!

Job going well although I think my boss is mad and the chef is trying to introduce me to a friend of his called GOD! - Man these people just really think I need religion! this time its christian not Jehova so at least I'm getting a variety of attempted conversions! My boss always thanks me for actually showing up at work...I told him today I had notr ealized it was optional...am thinking of not showing tomorow just for the novelty! Better not..it's hardly challenging work and it pays pretty damn well. Am in the process of learning to use the evil coffee machine of death.....hmmm somehow I suspect this will not end well!

Got forwarded some more job stuff in teh arch field from my old lecturer so have applied hopefully i'll get it, will have to take time off from uni and work here but its not for long and field experience as a dig bunny is importent in arch and anth.

Winnie my girl I also am missing girly talks and fun stuff, yes we do need to catch up and soon...damn you for living too far from me...you should live here with me, i'll share my room..hmmm maybe not! Am feeling unloved since you got new job and interesting love life...feeling ditched!!! Must remedy situation by having fun times. I think there may be plans for pool like fun with Alex and others on friday...i'll call you..it would be good to see you, if not then we should do teh coffee thing next week :)

Life is a strange I have spent a lot of time on the phone with my ex lately...I am missing him heaps, he knows me better than anyone so he gets me when i'm having a wierdo mood. I think that I am very lucky to have been able to keep the friendship with him even after all the crap that happened between us. A lot of people dont understand why it was so importent for me to stay friends with him, but friendship like the one I have with him is a rare thing and knowing that when i'm down and need it I can call him and he will not just want to help but understand how too is worth putting the crap behind us....I am lucky that I have met so many great people in my short life...
I've also met some real bastards but hey who hasnt?

Pleased to announce my jerk radar still functioning A-ok.....ooh plus served a real cutie today at work...prob a jerk but i'm still hopeing he comes back tomorow!
Gotta go am just rambling now...
Cheers
Jinx
xxx

Fav Quote: "Where are all the good men dead, in the heart, or in the head?"

Alright already....Jeez

2005-07-20T19:28:00.000+10:00

Hi everyone sorry have been really busy and not in a fun way!....Ok where to start...did well at uni in all my subjects and as I said to Matt when he asked me what I learned from this...I learned I am clever!!!!hee hee hee. Um have enrolled in this semsters subjects and so far so good am still trying to sort out my schedule with my lecturers...mostly my fault cause I have not yet been able to make the meeting times!!! My subjects all sound really intesresting although I am shitty that so many stupid CSI wanna be's are enrolled in my courses, cause of them we miss out on the practicle stuff cause there are too many students!!! There should be a rule that you can not take these courses unless they are actually relevant to your bloody course!!!!! AHHHHH
Anyway thats been bugging me this week...but hopefully all silly TV teens will fade away as the course gets harder and they have to do the boring theoretical stuff and realize that there are no spunky goth chicks working the fake crime scene!

Okay next topic....had a fantastic day the other day cause some friends and me went hiking in the mountains and it had snowed the night before so everything was covered in snow!!!!It was the most fun I have had since I came here....I had not seen snow since I was a tiny little girl and I had a whole day of just hiking and playing in the snow and climbing to lookouts and stuff...I was still smiling two days later!!! I really had a great day, the best in ages.

Um oh yeah I decided last week I had better get a job...just something to bring in some cash, so on monday I went and got one. I'm now a working girl (no not that way) I work at a place called Mooreish on Moore! cool name huh? Anyhow had my first shift today, I liked it but am really stuffed after being on my feet all day...I had forgotten what it was like to work in hospitality! I dont really know if the boss liked me that much or not...I stuffed up a couple of times but think for the most part I went ok...feel like an idiot when I made mistakes though hope that stops cause did not like that feeling much! I did not break anything or kill any customers so I guess that should count as a victory. Have come to realize however that there is evil in this place....yes I did say evil....The dreaded coffee machine of death!!! I just cant use it, it looks simple enough and seems to cause no problems for any body else...but I just cant do it! It is alive, evil and out to get me that is the only logical explanation for my ineptitude at using it!

Was supposed to go have drinky poos last night to celebrate but no surprises something happened and I got cancelled on again....(hope your feeling better soon if your reading this...and if your not then you suck anyway and I hope your head hurts)-really mature I know!

Anyhow thats about it cant think of anything else too tierd brain is mush......feet hurt, and want chocolate but cant have any cause of suspicous increase in waist and butt size inlast few weeks! Damn you chocolatety yummyness and your evil fattning ingrediants...hopefully working will make said waist and bum decrease in size....also got a push bike on loan to try out when I can...if it works then will start ridding regularly to aid in afore mentioned decreasing!

Cheers and stop hasseling me for updates (Thats for you Miss Polly .... Just kidding keep em comming babe I loves em...you realize of course I only delay so long to entice you to the telephone!-miss you babe)
xxx
Jinx

What the????????

2005-07-05T11:11:00.000+10:00

Where to start.....hmmm ok firstly update on previous blog.....turns out I am not dating the most unreliable man in this city...but I am dating the most forgiving!!!! Ooops just does not sum it up folks......I recently discovered that during my crazy binge drinking night I got hold of a phone and decided in my state of rational thought that ringing him at 1 o'clock in the morning and yelling at him all those things I have been brooding over for the last few months...most of which have nothing really to do with him....to make it worse at the time I phoned he was nursing his very sick horse at the stable, having problems with his work....serious problems, and suffering a stomache ulcer......oh yes I made his life oh so much easier!!!!! I am a complete idiot...all I want to do is be a supportive friend for this guy cause I happen to think he is a good person and instead I get so self centered that I end up making his life harder because his world does not revolve around me.......Yes I know...no ones world revolves around me and there are other people in the universe etc etc but sometimes I get so caught up in my own head that I forget that and end up being a bitch to the people in my life who really dont deserve it....so depsite having lunch with him the other day and having many jokes about it.....I still think he is mad at me..with all good reasons too.....I think the best thing I can do for him now is just bugger off and give him some space......hard to do when I've left things at such a yucky place....hmmm dont know what to do..never really been good at this crap.....he's my friend and I think I blew it.

Second lot of fun for the week:
My trip home cancelled and feeling especially upset about that......no field work, no friends, no family time, and I wont get to see J before he moves or for his birthday. (speaking birthdays big happy one for my sis this week!!!) Then just when I was starting to feel a bit better about not going home.....I got my uni results back for the semester....bad.....very bad.....not sure if I can recover this.....I failed one of my importent 6 unit subjects.....will have to see the course conveynor today and try to beg for a chance to make the unitts up over the next semster or else I will definetly be bumped of the masters program list......If i do get the chance to make it up then next semester I'll be taking an overload of subjects so will need to work very very hard just to maintain a relatively good average....imagin how hard it will be to maintain the high average required for my program.....hmmmm is not going to be fun....but that is the price when you screw things up.

Gotta go have to make calls and try to clear my head with a run.......honestly though I am a complete sodding tool sometimes.......maybe when I start being heavily medicated again things will improove!!!...hmmm maybe.
xxx
Jinx

it's done

2005-06-27T10:07:00.000+10:00

Well thats it then all my assesment is finaly handed in and my holidays can start. I got results back from one subject already....the 100% exam subject......I did really well, im not sure which one of the small gods intervened but I said a general thanks to them all anyway....I got a distinction!!!!! Pretty amazing....its some kinda miracle. No other resutls as yet.

Things are not so great elsewise.....I think I might go home for a while...but the problem is if I do i'm really not sure if I'll come back. There seems to be very little here for me that makes me happy so maybe I should move on again.....people used to say I had travellers feet and could only ever stay in place for 6 months before I had to go again.....back then it was easy to move on cause the army pays you to do that!!! Now its not that simple....plus uni commitments...I still have one more semester at ANU of course work before they might offer masters......*heavy sigh*....not sure what im doing at the momment.

Applied for a job today......if I get it i'll have to move back to queensland but the money will be pretty darn good. Its as a graduate archaeologist for an aluminium company in Weipa, I think i would really enjoy the work...except that part about living in Weipa....but still I like the Cape so holidays would be fun, plus my parents could come see me more often....and I dont need to fly anywhere from Weipa cause driving id just easier! The job got emailed to me by some people I know who thought I should apply....I kinda hope I get it...its a bit of a long shot cause they wanted someone with GIS.....yeah right! But hey what the hey right may as well apply.

Im probably just in a bad mood cause the weekend was kinda harsh for me......My apologies for those present on saturday.......this is he reason I dont drink much anymore...well that and that my kidneys cant handle it and ill die if I do.....I got really drunk....but I suspect that I was not alone.....and if I was...sod it I am willing to bet any amount of money that mostof the people there have gotten worse than that at some point in thier lives....in fact Im pretty darn certain you all have!!! I knew I should not have gone cause I was already feeling crap and tierd and pissed off with the world......nevermind maybe it was just what I needed.

I'm also stressed cause I happen to be dating the most inconciderate and consintantly unreliable person on the planet this is beginning to become a problem.......I got shitty about his once before and he fixed it....it is beginning to appear that I will need to get shitty about it again...maybe even yell some.......we are not a couple (thank the gods) but when your seing someone...hell even when your not and its a total stranger....I dont think the respect of common courtesy is too much to ask for.....

Well thats life for this fun filled day of excitement. Sorry took so long to update but hey I got things on my mind.
Take care and I'll catch you all on the flip side.
Jinx
xxx

BANANAS.........well you did ask.

2005-06-16T23:38:00.000+10:00

High probability that I failed in a spectacular fashion. Hense the non celebrationary posting.
Thanks for asking but I doubt I passed the 100% exam...it was evil in ways that would have suprised satan himself......nasty and vengeful are two other descriptive words that come to mind....in fact I actually heard the lecturer say to a group just before the exam (they were waiting outside and like everyone else desperatly trying to memorise thier notes) "Too late for that now" then he walked into the room laughing in a way that indicated a slightly weak grip on sanity.......he really really really does not like his students.
Oh well if I fail it I can always take it again....and by the conversations I had with the others after it...I will not be alone......
I guess that will save on having to meet new classmates!

I also had my genetics exam.......hmmmm not really sure about that one...think I did pretty well......even though in at least 4 questions I just made random comments and drew pictures cause I had no clue what the question was about.
On one...I think it was about a blood disease....I wrote
"Did you know that we share 50% of our genes with bananas?"......I tell no lie...that is actually true...and I did actually write that.....twice.....I tried to include into an answer to another question...it asked me to refute a papers claim that the new homo species discovered recently shared no genes with us.....as part of my answer I explained that as we share 98% of our genes with chimps and 50% with bananas unless the new homo species is actually a entirely new branch of animal/plant then we in all likelyhood share genes with it.

I thought it was a very persuasive argument.......I wonder how my lecturer will feel about it....apparently I also made an impression on some other students just prior to the exam cause at least one other student also wrote for that question...
"As Kate says we share 50% of our genes with bananas, so we probably share quite alot with this new homo species"......
I am in sooo much trouble with my lecturer.......

Unfortunetly this saga does not end here....I also could not answer 2 other questions so for one of them I drew a picture of a chimpanzee and wrote 98% next to it........then for the finale question I could not answer...I drew...yep you guessed it a BANANA....and wrote 50% next to it.......

I hope he has a sense of humour....if not I suspect I will be called in for a 'discussion' before next semester.....you se this was not just any lecturer...oh no...this was the man who is my post grad supervisor and course coordinator.......I figure if your going down then it should at least be amusing for those around you!

Anyhow thats how my exams are going...I still have one but I dont know if im going to sit it yet...apparently when the class sat it only three people passed......Its a follow up from one we sat earlier in the year....I thought id blown that one cause I only got 9 out of 20...but that was about the same as most of the class....
this guy is well known for his evil exams that almost no power on earth can help you ace....and very few humans have the uncanny x-file like ability to pass them.....not sure I should waste a trip into uni to sit an exam I will fail anyway...but I have to go in soon to hand in some assignments....if he is in his office i'll take the test and maybe get points for spelling my name right!

I have two essays due aswell...they are evil and horid and late...and I have yet to start one of them......I have to finish my genetics one (3000 wds) tonight and then tommorow start researching and writting the primate evolution one..(4000 wds) I plan to hand them both in before wednesday next week!!!!!! Can you say caffine overdrive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a lighter note...my medical test results came back.....(for those unaware...I have been really ill for a few weeks) thankfully I do not have any nasty infection in my stomache and surrounding regions.....
I do however have severe anxiety issues (DUH) and my stomache ulcer/s has returned.....oh yeah and if my symptoms persist they are going to put a camera in a very uncomfortable place (sadly not the back of a winnebago) to make sure I dont have any kind of crazy disease......
I told the lady there would be no such insertion into any uncomfortable places and that I would be fine........she however did not believe me and sent my records to my usual doctor so I can not weasle out of said unpleseantness if it becomes necessary. -

But the good news was...no infection...no incurable fevers (just the recurring ones), no parasites, no extra problems in my kidneys or liver........and oh yeah no hemeroids!!!!!

Oh the indignity of it all!
xxx
Jinx

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2005-06-08T08:23:00.000+10:00

Morning of my 100% exam...it is in less than 1/2 hour.....Oh god I am so nervous my insides feel like they want to join my breakfast in the toilet bowl.....I hate exams they are merely an outdated form torture device...serving no real assessment of students intellect or knowledge in the subject.....its merely a memory test...which for me is a nightmare cause some days I have trouble remembering my own name!!!!! Do you think I'll get points if I get that right?

*screams*

Jinx

DA DA DA DUM.....first ever character death!!!!

2005-06-04T22:48:00.000+10:00

Wow....today i had my first ever character die in a DnD game.....her name was Lia, she was a 5th level elf ranger with magic daggers and a seriously bad attitude........While an excellent fighter and tracker and very valuable member of her party the dangerous wayfarers she will not however I am sad to say be missed by many of them....apparently her bad attitude and tendency to threaten the lives of her traveling companions was unappreciated by those around her......She met her end in a trap set by a former companion..the extremely annoying Princess (thanx very much Emma) for the party's leader....the trap was a pit hiddne in the ground with a shiny bauble hanging above it....her love of shiny things led to her falling into the pit...not on its own a problem except that it also happened to be the current home of two centerpiedes who summarily ate her.........Curse those in the party who did not let her cut princess's throat when she offered to at the beginning of the adventure! All did not end in total tragedy, Lia's lover...a female human barbarian called Dah arrived after her death and joined the company to seek her vengence.....as it turned out this was a short search as in the very next battle the barbarian besieged by 8 foe slaughtered them all only to discover that one of them was in fact princess......a short dose of revenge indeed......and in her rage state Dah did not even notice!

cheers
Jinx
xxx

EXAM HELL

2005-06-04T22:32:00.000+10:00

Is this hell...no not even the devil could be so cruel...I have an exam soon that is really freaking me out...I am just in total panic and can not stop laughing...yes laughing....I am so screwed for this exam that it is not even really scaring me anymore just making me laugh.....i almost feel like i should just go and sit it possibly staring at the wall and giggling occassionally......i am a little worried that i will be so nervous that i will pull a rimmer and end up writting nothing but I am a fish 300 times!!!!!!!!

*sigh* ...... *heavy sigh*

House sitting fun and sickness blues...

2005-06-01T00:19:00.000+10:00

I have shifted into Ian and Sonia's place to look after the delightful pooch Norbert....who I might add is extremly cute and loves me alot but is also currently driving me completely batty!!!!! He chews on everything.....my hands and wrists are very sore, he farts at inapropriate momments in a closed up house, he tries to sit not just next to me but on top of me...he sleeps on my head and licks my ear to wake me up.....he is Norbert! *sigh* whats a girl to do? If only men displayed the same devoted love and affection this bizaare dog does....they have the farting down pat just not the loyalty!!!! oops that was a bitterness thing slipping in there! Sorry.
Norbet is also doing very strange things.....he plays games with creatures that just are not there ! I swear he is seeing things....he pounces and chases invisible play mates madly round the house before finishing the day with some invigorating tail chasing!!! LOL I am really enjoying being with a dog....I miss my dog back home and it is nice to have a K9 companion again for a while..even if he is slightly odd!

I have been sick again for the last week...went to the doctors the other day and he has no idea whats up with me...I have all the fluey symptoms plus some wierd fevers, moods, eating issues, muscle spasims, and raised blood pressure. He ordered a bunch of tests and hopefully i'll know this week...Unfortunetly I have had to come off all my medication suddenly while being tested...I had to stop taking Zyban (cravings for smokes driving me up wall) and can not even get my injection till after the results!!! Annoying.
I have been in a bad downcycle and alternating between crying for no reason and being really angry..I can not control it...not sure if its illness related or am just having stress issues...it is bad cause i will be sitting reading or watching tele, or even anything and then i'll be crying uncontrollably and not know why, and tonight i had people over to game and watch movies etc and by the time they got here i was so angry i could not stay in the room with them, I locked myself in the bedroom with the dog and read till i felt better, then called my mum and matt to cheer me up....then i sat with them and said hi but i was pretty rude...now i feel bad. I cried after they left but nothing i could do about it.

I read my email today and found that there are a whole bunch of people needing me to be in town over the next few days to let them into the lab after hours..which means i need to go home for a few nights....like friday, saturday, sunday, and monday...this means I need to ask people to care for norbert while I am back at home....I will prob ask jimmy cause thats who Ian suggests..but it will be a pain for him cause of work and I feel bad now...I just dont know.....Shit here come the tears again for no sodding reason.....My major exam is next week and Im worried i'll fail...but not only that if Im not available for those others in the class after hours...then they wont get access to the buildings...cause im the only one in the group whose card has after hours access authorization!!!!!
This class is really not cool...an exam worth 100 percent of our subjects marks set in the first week of what in queensland is called swatvac and is a period where no exams are set...a period for study..apparently you dont get that here...apparently here it is common practice to set an exam that is worth 100% of your entire subject's marks, 2 days after your classes finish..in the same week that every other peice of assessment in all your other subjects are due!!!!!

This uni thinks this is a good idea!!! call me stupid but I kind of thought that the idea was to make it possible for students to pass a subject without having a nervous breakdown or sacrificing quality of attention and grades in thier other subjects.....I HATE THIS FUCKING UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!! maybe im spoiled from attending a university that actually gave a shit about its students when I went to JCU...but I guess this is the difference between a place of education and a place of indoctrination!

GRRRR ARRGGGG....sorry again with the bitchyness slipping through......*sigh*.....here come the tears once more.....after this year no more uni for me....not for a while..i need timeout, a job and a little bit of living to get some perspective back so next time when i decide to go back to uni to finish my post grad I'll be better able to maintain the optimism and dedication that you need to do more than merely survive it.

From the lands of shadow with love
Jinx

funny thought....

2005-05-25T20:14:00.000+10:00

ha ha was thinking about the idea of wearing nothing but my funky hat to collect the mail and was reiminded of a very embaressing event that I was not going to blog about cause it really is embaressing...but then again what the hey!

Last time my housemate was away visiting miss Em, I had the computer in the living room and was talking to winnie online and dacing round the house in my underwear...having just got out of the shower and had not finished dressing...I was wearing just my knickers with my back to the windows when wome sixth sense made me turn around.....and yes...I had forgotten to close the blinds, all of the windows were wide ope displaying my underwear dancing to the large group of young men who were waiting for thier friend in the nieghbours front yard...yes they were all staring at me....I think the people three streets away could have heard me blush...and yet did I race from the room to dress....Oh no not me I turned around again and typed the mis-adventure winnie before exiting the room casually trying to pretend that not only did I not care that they had seen me but that underwear dancing was something all the cool kids were doing....a facade perhaps assisted by the fact that written in huge letters across the back of my underwear was "WHATEVER"......hmmm took me a while to leave the house again!

abode begone

2005-05-25T20:03:00.000+10:00

Thats it I knew it could not last, I now have to move...I can no longer stay in this lovely house in its perfect location....unfortunetly the door knocking people of a certain religion have found me...and whats more they know my name and will not stop visiting...twice now I have said I am not interested and too busy but oh no apparently this means please visit me as often as you like.
It is all because I just can not be rude to people when they turn up at my door, no matter what they are selling, vacumes or god I will smile at them, listen to thier speal, and even ..yes...even take the pamphlets...I also explain to them very politely but firmly that I am not intersted in said vacume or god no matter how many free dustbins it comes with....its not that I dont believe in a god I just dont feel the need to argue samantics with a stranger on my doorstep.....The latest visit I allowed myself to argue with them in an attempt to drive home the point but this however just encourages them to view me as a challenging oppurtunity for conversion!!!!!!
Finaly when they were leaving they said they would come back and I tried again..."Look" I sadi politely "I really am not interested and do not have time to see you again"
"Oh" they reply sweetly "Well we will just pop in when we are in the area then and we can alk about prophecies"
"What???? No" I say "I really dont have the time and am not intersted"
"Yes we will just swing by when we are passing next...you take care now, look forward to seeing you next time"
and they left...I mean what how oh lord. Now i have decided the easiest way to cope with this intrusion is simply to move house as soon as possible.............damb it I really like it here too!

LIFT OFF

2005-05-25T20:01:00.000+10:00

snigger snigger hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee ahem yes well anyway enough of that..

kiss kiss W
xxx

Funky hats and fluffly slippers

2005-05-25T19:54:00.000+10:00

I got a funky hat... yes thats right...I GOT A VERY FUNKY HAT.....THANKYOU to my beatiful gorgeous funky hat finding sister Polly....you my dear are fantastic!!!!!!!!!!! in other words...yep I got the hat and I love it ......I wear it alot, in fact I have rarely taken it off! - it is a perfect match for my bright thermals and fluffy slippers....also looks good with my I love nerds shirt and Dr scarf!!!!!! And lets face it the hat is so funky it looks good on its own.....am tempted to wear it and nothing else next time i collect the mail....except i'll prob freeze to death!

xxx

Hicups and Hoorays

2005-05-21T22:22:00.000+10:00

WOW thank you everybody for a wonderful birthday....I had so much fun, in fact I think I had more fun here than I would have if i'd been at home! I was so glad you all came along and drank and ate with me...while the food left a bit to be desired the company was fantastic and the presents!!!!!!! Wow again, thanks everyone.

Life is good and I am only one day older than I was yesturday!

Special thanks:
Winnie...for everything
Matt....for being just what I needed when I needed it and knowing how to drive me crazy - in more ways than one.
Alex, James, Danica, Bela, and the chick in the reject shop for the fantastic pressys and amusing card...you guys really should not have but since you did...thankyou xxx
Chris for my fantastic Dr scraf that I am still wearing...
Emma..special thanks for driving all the way here to share this with me....and to Gavin and you for the warmest underclothes I have ever worn and in the funkiest colour pattern!!!!
Linda for all the shows i love and only have access too thanks to your forberance..and for the awsome Bone comic.....did I mention I love it?
For Ginge and Sonia for destroying all the excuses I have for missing sports on thursdays...and to flynny for the kisses and beautiful card..
Dave, Fiona, Simon, and Jimmy for the copies of my all time fav show ever (wonder which one im talking about) and for being there for my birthday...it was great to spend it with you....thanks for putting up with mexxx
Drew for the funky after party venue....especially funky from what I hear ;)
Adrian for the especially useful aide to the success of my university studies...It was one i did not have so thankyou a bundle!
Denver for letting me live in your house and use your heater to stop myself from freezing to death...and for all the late night chats.

And finally but not least of all a very special thanks to Oswell.........need I say more?

Cheers everyone
xxx
Jinx

Welcome to your birthday

2005-05-20T09:15:00.000+10:00

Woke this morning after dreaming about my ex Jay and feeling sad....trying to let it go but it can be hard...i dont miss him really just the idea of us, its hard to describe but I guess turning another year older before acomplishing anything much has left me feeling a bit adrift and his is a port I am familar with....nautical today arent I? Any way other than slight butterflies cause of dream things on this birthday morning are pretty good..stayed at winnies last night and got woken this morning by her mother with hot porriage, toast, and tea waiting....yum yum it is really nice to have someone cook breakfast for me! Then got pressy from winnies family and one from winnie..winnies pres rocks...she made me a shirt that says I love nerds on the front...will prob wear it tonight cause it is very cool. Feel kind of bad with people giving me presents though cause they dont need too im just happy that so many people are comming to dinner with me, i mean i dont even know when everyones birthday is...im terrified now that one will happen when im not looking and ill miss it!!!
Anyway am going to the city soon for brunch with winnie and then will be attending a careers fair !!!! maybe ill finaly work out what the smeg i want to do with my life....heres hoping.
Better go shower and decide what to wear..cause you know im such a fashion wiz (lol - ha ha ha) that it will take time to get that look just right! (ha ha) jeans, a tshirt and barely brushed hair takes effort. Actually id better make an effort if im going to careers day thing..wil ask winnie before we leave if i look suitable.

Just spoke to my muma so am feeling a lot better.....just keenly missing home and family today..it will pass and then things move on and change...and people tell me that I have to change with them.
Take care and ill be seeing you later.
xxx

"happy birthday - Q: how do you celebrate tha passing of time as it slides through your grasp? - A: With beer and good companionship ofcourse!"

Success at last

2005-05-17T17:01:00.000+10:00

Hooray for the birthday venue.....fun for all....at least fun for me and after that I shall stop caring wether all others are having fun times....the place is not perfect but it is close enough for a dinner,drinky thing for my bday. Had lunch with M today and that was nice, we went to the pub that my friend from uni works at....it was good and we found another place to go some other time.

Things this week have been kinda strange but hopefully all will settle down later....am looking forward to my birthday bash...although i was begining to get a little frustrated with the whole thing and was contemplating cancelling it and spending the day/night hidding under a blanket drinking beer with M and W....but all will be well and have decided to just relax and enjoy the event.

For those that are comming ill see you there and dont forget to give me your dinner order by tommorow.

xxx

fantastic fun with the doctor and the blue box

2005-05-16T00:30:00.000+10:00

Hooray just returned home from the fun adventures of a Dr Who marathon (well a mini marathon as it was only 7 episodes...plus 1 old one) A group of us..winnie, me, bela, mark, drew, alex, and james all gathered at drews new house (hooray for drew) and watched 7 episodes of the doctor - plus 1 old one, and ate dinner at the local pub...it was much fun. Winnie and I were almost late due to sleeping in till 2pm!!!!!! and nearly missing our lift who turned up at 2 and woke us up! Still we made it and had many fun adventures.
Its my birthday this week and I am very excited...but a bit sad cause I miss my family and my home.....I feel a bit lost here in and although my lovely new friends are helping alot it is still hard to feel welcome in a strange place when everyone who really knows you and loves you is 2 states away.....but enough of such sadness..excessive cheerfulness is the policy for all things now (despite the fact it did not work for the cold/flu thingy)
I have to remeber to phone the person I am sort of um seeing??? to remind him of said birthday cause if he does a no-show to that event I will be most upset...still he did warn he is incredibly forgetful so I feel a reminder is in order (if your reading this you know who you are- so dont bloody forget that my birthdy is on friday - this week as in the 20th may 2005) anyhow I hope it will be fun times for all who attend...althoug am having trouble with the venue cause it needs to be fairly cheap, allow drinking, serve food - including a vegetarian option, and allow loudness, and children....this is prooving harder than anticipated, still I refuse to dispair a venue will be found and fun will be had by all or by god there will be consequences!!!!!!!!
going now cause im bored and wish to snooze for a bit.
take care
xxx

Good impressions

2005-05-11T23:42:00.000+10:00

I had to give a presentation to the class at uni that I am supposed to be running extra help tutorials in...the class I am failing rather spectacularly.....needless to say there was a great deal of anticipation for this presentation. I forgot about it till a week before it was due when my lecturer informed me that it was in fact week 9 and not as I has thought week 7, he then asked me what the topic was for this thoroughly researched presentation I would be giving.......the words baboon and hybrid were written on the board behind his head so I grabed at them like a life raft on the titanic, "The hybridization of baboons" I replied with confidence. "Well he says that will be very interesting I recently did a lot of work on that area" - oh crap my head thought as the life raft I had grabbed began to loose its bouyancy, oh crap.

I was sick with the bloody flu for that entire week.

I was still working on this presentation at 2.30 in the morning on the day I was to give it. -

Needless to say this was not likely to be winning awards.....my voice dissapeared about three slides into it..and I spent about 5 minutes coughing a disturbing lung shaped glob into a tissue whilst my class mates attemtped to determine if I was dying or merely demonstrating the mating calls of said baboons.

Despite all of these things I believe the presentation was a success...at least it probably was until some utter bastard in the class got smart and started asking insane questions about the genetic variation between hybrids and thier parent troops???????I made something up on the spot and think he bought it.....I mummbled and used some long words and droped some numbers in there too...

Still it was done and my lecturer seemed impressed (although probably less at the presentation than at my ability not to die during it) so on the whole I think this qualifies as good news....news out of the top drawer....well at least it did until I made the mistake of pressing the eject button on the departments expensive laptop to which it responded by hissing at me, shutting down, and refusing to work again till I left the room!
Why oh why?

Recriminations and dispair

2005-05-11T23:37:00.000+10:00

Remember when I was so sure of my ability to finish uni and then get a great job...so sure in fact that when I was head hunted by a very large company for a very nice job being offered a very nice salary I not only turned them down..but I went the extra mile and convinced them that they would be better off not offering it ot me at all.....please do not ask for an explanation to this bizaar behaviour...I am afraid I can offer none. Anyway now I am facing the sad reality that I will probably not be headhunted again...and in fact may have significant difficulty in aquiring a job anywhere near as relevant and cushy as the one I so cleverly turned down......I have recently applied to the same company for thier lowly graduate program!!!!! I am starting to suspect that I was a little too convincing when I suggest they not hire me! I will now have to wait with baited breath for the response to my new suggestion that in fact I would be a great addition to thier payrole! Think i'm totally screwed????? join the club.

Procrastination!

2005-05-09T14:24:00.000+10:00

I have nothing to say...just procrastinating from my assignments......due tommorow....hmmm should prob work on them a bit more......hmmmm......anyway hope everyones days are good...am still sick and still opting for excessive cheerfulness...it will work eventually!

Bluuuuuuurrrrrgh

2005-05-06T11:02:00.000+10:00

Thats pretty much a discription of the way I feel this morning! Had trouble sleeping cause when I lay down I could not breath properly.......yuck I hate being sick! Cheerul Cheerful Cheerful...Have stayed home today, will try to work and rest at the same time...my friend winnie is comming over to make me hot drinks while I try to work...she is so great! Have stuff to do at home too so maybe i'll get more done this way....My housemate Gavin somes home today...he's been away for a couple of weeks....poor guy comming home to sickly housemate! Sorry Gav! Am continuing my plan of excessive cheerfullness to counter this cold...must be better by tommorow! Think it will work?

My rather unspectacular return to sporting.........

2005-05-05T21:07:00.000+10:00

Tonight I returned to playing multi sports with the team im in which is aptly named 'Next Week For Sure' - I had been unable to attend for the last couple of weeks and had been looking forward to it especially when i was told we were paying netball, which usually i dont suck too much at...unfortunetly tonights game was bad.....we got creamed 34 to 5.....it was not good! However no one was really feeling great, lots of tired and hurting peoples and me who woke up this morning sick. I hate it when you feel great and then go to bed and in the morning your sick...it truely does suck, bite and blow all at once. I am hoping it is merely a cold like thing that will pass quickly and not a flu...I really cant afford to get sick now as all my assesment is due soon and I have to study hard, I have decided that if I adopt an attitude of excessive cheerfulness perhaps I can beat it and it will just go away., I was not feeling too bad this morning, or at lunch but by this afternoon I was a zombie...and now after sports I am a sick zombie with a headcold and a bad attitude!!!! No No im not i am cheerful...i will be cheerful!!!!!
Today was a good day, I had some errands to run in the city and visited some stuff I had wanted to see and then I had lunch with a friend and that was plesant, although we did not actually eat anything cause we speny nearly the whole time walking around the nearby suburbs looking for a place that sold beer....we finally found one and had just enough time to have a drink and leave to walk back, still it was fun.
I am once again procrastinating at my studies cause my head is feeling really crappy and I cant focus too well on the readings, maybe i'll rest tonight and get up early and work all day tomorow.....maybe if I just rest for an hour or so i'll be able to get some more work done tonight.
Yep thats what I'll do..i'll rest till my family calls then work after iv spoken to them.......its my dad's birthday today and im bummed out that i cant be there to see them so im feeling pretty homesick as well as normal sick..ha ha that was not funny. Must be cheerful...cheerful cheerful cheerful!!!!! Alright time to go have a lie down...my writting is no longer making sense.......bye bye till next time
xxx
Jinx

The things we do....and random thoughts and notes.

2005-05-04T16:22:00.000+10:00

Today was a crazy long day.....uni early and then study group that i had to run...thankfully only one of the group was able to make it today the rest had a tute make up......that was good acuse it meant i did not actually have to impress anyone with my knowledge of subject material...i now have an extra week to prepare although i prob wont cause i have lots of assesment due and must work on that or be in big trouble with department staff......

Another thing i did today was phone a friend...(not like a life line sadly) I was supposed to be fixing some issues and instead I phoned a friend and made a lunch date...not productive i'll admit but iv always found avoiding problems the path of least resistance..besides if i close my eyes real tight maybe the problems will go away? I know i know this is just delaying dealing with them but I dont care I would rather have lunch!

I had put a coat on layby at myer for winter cause im freezing in this crazy place and then today I saw a much better one for less than half what myer was chargin me...so i went back to myer cancelled my layby and used the refund money to buy my happy new coat outright!!! Hooray for me as I have a new coat......ha ha ha you know what that means housemate???? A new song....
- la la la I have new coat, new coat for me, no new coat for you, i have new coat -
ha ha ha ha ha I am evil.

I am learning how to use new things on the computer and to navigate new sites......it is strange and confusing and I am not sure if I like it yet.....it seems to be working so far but that generally means it is saving all the crashing and erasing fun for later when I am off guard......

Im going to see a movie later tonight with Chris...the final cut... it sounds a bit creepy but thats ok, im going to stay over there tonight afterwards and then go into the city in the morning and then to old parliment house later in the day for lunch, then shopping for food cause i forgot to last week and am getting tired of potatos... dont get me wrong i like em but they can get dull after a few days! I think i might be playing sport later but have not checked that so i'll have to do that at some point tomorow too, then its home to work...yes work no more procrastination like im doing right now...but work!
Oh lord is that the time????? have to go need clean clothes if planning on leaving the house tonight!
xxxJinx

"Never pay the reaper with love only"

I wanna be an airforce ranger.....

2005-05-03T20:51:00.000+10:00

Ever get that feeling that no one is listening???? A couple of weeks ago I spoke to one of my lecturers about getting an extra group organised for study for those like me who are having trouble, so today in class he annouces that the postgrad student Kate will be running an extra study session in the lab to help those students having trouble. Now ofcourse the rest of the students think I am doing really well in the subject and will be able to help them with it!!!!!! Wow they are going to be sooo pissed off when they discover the student taking the study group is actually failing the subject! I have no clue what im going to do and i have just one night to prepare it for them.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh when will my teachers learn....i am not a top student, i suspect they think that if they just keep pretending that i am then i'll at some point become one..........